In Which My Son Egged My House

Yes, it's true. My house was egged just a little while ago.
I am sitting next to my tree to relax while the perpetrator sits in time out.....I keep hearing "Sorry Mama, sorry Mama."

Caileigh and I were upstairs watching a Christmas movie and folding clothes. Braedon was in there with us but wanted his juice. He came back with eggs instead. Upon reaching the stairs he decided to take them out one by one and throw them at the steps.

Caileigh went to check on him and I hear "Mom!!!!! Come quick!!!!"

PLUNK....PLUNK....

More eggs cracking on the steps. As soon as I heard the sound as I walked down the hall I knew what it was.

So yes, my son should be great at pranking high school classmates because he already has a head start on everyone else. :)

PS-Eggs on white carpet do NOT look good.

It's Beginning To Look Alot Like Christmas....

Or NOT! :(

We were forcasted to start accumilating snow last night and through the night and day today. Well, we got a few flurries this morning and that quickly our 10 inches turned into a dusting. So disapointing! :( Such a bummer because the temperatures are fridged and gloomy, all of us are ready for a nap and the snow would make a nap so much better! (Don't ask me why, not sure but it just sounds good)

This weather is crazy! A friend of mine is on the east coast and just moved to Va and is experiencing her first real winter as they've been in Georgia. It has snowed the last three or so days and she has no idea how to get around in it! While she is stuck...we are enjoying bipolar weather ranging from 62 one day to 27 the next!!! :)

I am so excited for tomorrow to come! It is C's last day of school and then we are off for two weeks! I am se relieved! We need a break and definitely need some time together as a family to just have fun and relax. Here's hoping we have some snow over break to play outside in! It's always so hard to do so when there's school, schedules packed.

Have a great and safe evening everyone!

Heaven's Blessings

I have been thinking a lot about what is important to me in life; what I want most out of it and when people ask what I want for Christmas....what do I really want???

It's no secret that any mother that loses a child will forever think of her unborn that she was unable to hold. That is my constant wish. Sometimes I wish God would just give me a glimpse of their face, or what they are doing in their days in Heaven. I pray for it and quite frankly the last few months...I NEED it.

I was talking to my sister about this a few weeks back and she said something that really touched me. While it doesn't make all the sadness go away or the desire to hold them just once disappear, it gives me hope.

She told me that those are the blessings of Heaven. Isn't it great to think that I have children who have never known one instance of fear, pain, saddness or disapointment. They have never gotten in trouble, never sinned and had to face the consequences. They were born into the arms of God, perfect and whole; just how He designed them to be. Someday, I will be able to look upon their faces and see how beautiful God made them and know how they blessed God's design.

That makes me smile and makes the sting of pain less.

So while what I want for Christmas isn't fancy gifts or even those more simple, I atleast have the gift of hope in knowing God has a gift waiting for me when I enter the gates of Heaven. I hope and pray every night that is what God fills my dreams with. Such a wonderful way to dream! :)

My "left-over" casserole

Or "I haven't posted in so long...I don't even know where to begin...so I am throwing it all in here and hoping it turns into something great"

Things are crazy...they are always crazy it seems. Soapy is still traveling and I am still teaching dance.

The studio is preparing for the Nutcracker right now. We started about the last time I posted (embarassing) and it is hard to imagine that we are three weeks away (only one more Saturday rehearsal left) before we begin our week of performances. The first week of December is always dedicated to performing for the local schools. Teachers are able to bring their classes to a local high school to watch the performance. We not only perform but help to instruct the audience in some of the steps or terms behind the scene.
The following week begins our formal public performances. We do three days, Friday-Sunday and most likely we will do two on Saturday...one as a charitable performance I believe. It is so much fun but I would be lying if I said I was not completely ready for a break with silence immediately following those first two weeks.
The rehearsals are going so well and the kids have really done a great job this year listening and practicing their parts. It should be a great show and  I can't wait to see it...or from the side of the stage anyways. ;)

I have also been working two new businesses...one more than the other as the second is still in the stages of prep and learning. The first is Partylite. I became a Partylite Consultant October 12th as a way to make some extra money. We are desperately trying to pull ourselves out of debt from the immediate repairs onthe house, Braedon's debt from the beginning of the year and loans we have had for a while. I want them GONE GONE GONE! I want us to be able to breathe deeply, easily and frequently. I want to be able to send my husband on the hunting trip of his choice next season and I want to go spend some much needed time with my sister on the beach. I have been working this business like mad and thankfully it is getting up and running quite quickly. I am setting my goal to be a team leader by December 1st. This is a little intimidating as I need 5 more people to join my team but I have the financial aspect of how much it takes to qualify already taken care of.
The biggest things that drew me to this business was obviously being my own boss, the fact that I didn't have to pay one penny to start and I love candles. Until now I haven't burned much since Braedon was born. Something about his fearless attitude and fire just haven't sounded wise. Now though, Partylite offers so many amazing versatile products. There are some with and without flames. THe ones with flames do not burn hot enough to burn you...they snuff out themselves if spilled over, they don't contain lead and now there is a new line coming out made of 96% soy! The candles are non toxic so the next time Braedon decides to take a chunk out of a candle for snack...there is no need to call poison control!!!

My other business is photography. It really is a passion and a stress relief for me. Right now I do not feel qualified to charge photographer prices so I am practicing on friends and family in order to build a r eputation and a portfolio.All I am asking for is enough to cover the cd for the pictures and gas for travel. Hey, a girl has to start somewhere. :) I am hoping that by spring I will be assisting a friend of mine with her wedding photography (she asked me to join her Dec 4th but....that's Nutcracker...um, no thanks). She is a long time friend and my newest team member with Partylite. We are so excited to jump into this together!!!!

Caileigh is really starting to pick up energy wise. Unfortunately this week she is battling a cold gone sinus infection. I am trying desperately not to catch it and to keep Braedon's at simply a runny nose. We shall see how that goes. Other than health she is doing so well! She is reading chapter books and recently started bringing home 2nd Grade homework! We are so proud of her and how well she is doing in school!

Braedon is as much a handful as ever. He is constantly runnign around and tearing things apart just so you will chase him....he is going to either kill me early or keep me young. I haven't decided. His health stuff has been relatively low key the last few months. We have had some yucky GI issues the last month or so but they never become full blown episodes like they were in the spring. I am praying it stays that way.
We had an appointment for him @Children's Hospital last week but the results from labs at Mayo in MN are still out. Something about questionable results that they would like to test further. Please be in prayer over that; I am trying to not think about why they have not talked to us about it yet and assume the worst...we moms like to do that.

Braedon is talking up a storm now! He has a lot of words that are now recognizable to others outside the family. I am so relieved that he suddenly flipped that switch. We are still working on the potty training. He was so motivated to start and now...he could care less about getting a treat. He can tell us when he is wet or dirty but that's as far as he goes. He will sit sometimes but nothing happens.....

In other news we are going to TX for Thanksgiving! We are leaving early and heading down there for a bit and back before school starts. It will be great to see everyone and especially hold my little niece Elyse and see Soapy's cousins brand new little girl Abby who will be born this week! I should have a nice wide variety of little ones to practice on and no other errands or committments to attend to! Let the clicking begin!!

I believe that has me somewhat caught up. Please continue to pray for Braedon's tests. Please pray that his cold doesn't go into his lungs like it did last year. Please pray for Caileigh that her body fights this off soon; the doctors said after getting out w/Meningitis that her body could take a lot longer to rid itself of infections. Also, please pray for Soapy and me. We are praying over some ideas and decisions we have coming up and things we feel God may be calling us to. Please pray for clear answers and directions as we approach those deadlines.

Our house is going to smell great!

Right now we are in the stages of potty training and sleeping in a "big boy" bed. Both are proving to be challenging and rewarding....more the first than the ladder.

Braedon is on day #3 in his big boy bed for both nap and night time. The last two weeks I have been transitioning him gradually to his toddler bed to try and make this switch as painless as possible for everyone involved. The one lesson I have already learned though, is he can unlatch the childgate in his doorway. I hate the idea of putting one up, sort of like caging him in, but he is not safe to be allowed to run the house. He will do just that, run the house. :) I awoke to him screaming...to find toothpaste all ove the bathroom floor, syrup smeared all over the kitchen and him laying right in a great big puddle of it. I either didn't have the latch on the gate pulled all the way down or he just figured it out himself. Bad morning.

I quickly cleaned everything up, gave him the first of three showers for the day and we went about our day.

Potty training is another challenging moment. He wants to do it so bad and asks to sit in there often. We go occassionally, most successfully right after breakfast but he is getting too independant. He wants to take his own diaper off, he wants to wipe his own bottom.....do you see where I am going with this?? Well, urine wound up being ALL over the bathroom floor and him, and his clothes. Thus began more household cleaning and disinfecting.

Last week I started a new business. I am now a Consultant for Partylite! This works out perfect for our family. Soapy and I both enjoy burning candles 24/7, Caileigh loves how "pretty" they are when flickering and Braedon loves to smell and of course expects everyone within a 20 foot radius to smell too. It also works out that these wonderful scents are helping to keep my house smelling toothpaste-minty fresh, like fresh served maple syrup pancackes and the most favorite...stale urine. (side note: why is it that no matter how hard you scrub a bathroom with disinfecting wash that smell cannot come out of the floor and grout?)

In the next month I am to hold 6 parties. I had my starter show this past Thursday and honestly was very disapointed. I had 8 women coming and 4 outside orders...well, 2 came and I had 1 outside order......I only had 2 orders from the party. The premise of the company is there is no startup costs for your kit and to join the company, all you are asked to do is a $350 starter show to pay for your starter kit. Easy enough...or atleast it normally should be. I am hurting for sales. I am atleast $125 short and really need to finish these orders tomorrow morning. I have been praying all weekend and today that God would send me my final orders needed to provide me with the sales required to start my business. I know that once I can get past this show, I will be great! I have my shows booked (I still need one more but I am sure it will come) and am determined to be successful.

I have to, need to be successful. Not for the fame, or the trips, or the money...well, kind of for the money. I just want to be successful so Soapy can come home. I am tired, the kids are tired, he is tired of working such long weeks away from us so much. It makes it so hard on the kids. To try and find a non traveling job is very difficult right now and the pay is way less than what we can afford to live off of. I need to be working but with Braedon, I cannot put him in daycare just yet. I need a different idea. I need this business to work, to be our answer to our prayers for our finances. When Braedon was sick we put a lot on our credit card in order to make things work. We now have debt there that we have been working so hard to erase. Trying to make this house healthy for the kids has had its costs too. I need to be able to start paying these debts off.

Please, please pray for me that God would send me the final orders needed for my show by tomorrow. I need them to come through. Please pray He would lead me to the right shows and the right people who would like to hold parties and take advantage of the wonderful gifts and sale opportunities Partylite is offering. I do have to say, some of the sales are too good to pass up! Not only are the sale prices great but hte product is unmatchable in my opinion. They are lead free, the burn clean, they are long lasting and don't burn hot enough to burn little hands. They are non-toxic which, for us, you can imagine is a wonderful thing. Braedon has already tested out this claim and it is true; the worst that will happen is his diapers may be a little loose. Not that I feed him candles, I promise there is real food in the house.....2 year olds are just so quick and so quiet sometimes!

So anyways, that is me reaching out for prayer in my "suffering" of today and giving my stress and worries over to God. Now, I am going to head to bed because like it or not, tomorrow morning is going to come early and school will not wait until I feel rested to get up and take Caileigh to school. :) Goodnight!

Growing in our Sufferings

Our small group from church recently started a new book study, Be Hopeful by Warren Wiersbe. We have only gotten through the first two chapters so far but it is speaking to me in so many ways. The whole book is centered around 1 Peter and what his letters were about and why they were written. The hope is that you are able to see how God is using you during your suffering and the hope that He has you there for a purpose.....like I said, speaking to me.

The past two years have been particularly difficult on our family. I am normally one to shrug to the world and say, "It's ok, we'll make it through." or " It's just life right? I'm ok, don't worry." while inside I am crying and screaming, " I am not OK! Someone please see right through my smile and pleasantness and just take over! I am drowning and too proud to ask for help or even prayer."

Because, you know, I am a first born perfectionist....Irish and German stubbornness runs deep and the pride of asking for help admits weakness and then I have to admit to myself that I am truly, in fact, struggling. I HATE HATE HATE that! I am better at denying my struggles and smiling because if I admit to having them, then I panic and get overwhelmed and begin to fall apart. I put the cart before the horse and am doomed to failure before I start.....are you seeing a pattern?? I,......I,.....I....there are too many "I's" in this paragraph.

One thing we talked about yesterday is admitting your sufferings to yourself and to others. It is not healthy nor is it wise to deny them; especially to yourself. Denial does not allow for God's full growth in you. If you deny that you are struggling, you are not admitting that you need help beyond yourself. You are not opening yourself up to allow others to serve you, or to allow God to speak to your soul through your trials and the kindness awarded by others.

I am often at fault for this. I think, "Well, I am doing the single parent thing this week, there is no one else but me. I don't want to call for help from others (you know, the ones that offer help and really mean it) because I don't want to burden them; they are already maxed out in their own lives." And then I do the worst thing possible. Instead of turning from my friends and turning to God...the one I should go to first off, I turn back to myself and try to solve the world's problems on my own.

In the above scenario, I have just pushed God and my friends away. My friends either think I am doing just fine and then are stunned to hear that things have been a wreck; or they are turned off by knowing full well that I am struggling and too proud to ask for help. It's a mess!

Lately I have not done a good job of asking for help and crying out to my God for his help and comfort. I have instead "muddled through" the crisis, asking others to pray but not stopping to pray myself like I should. I blame severe fatigue, being overwhelmed, trying to just make it through the moments. I am ashamed of this and realized yesterday that I have not given God my sufferings.

How do I expect Him to lead me to my final lesson in all of this if I cannot give it completely over to Him to begin with? I feel like I did not learn a single thing from Braedon being in the hospital in May. I mean, I did, and I will never forget what God has done in our lives since that moment...but somehow life gets to be too much about the world and not enough about Him and you begin to forget to give Him the time he deserves. You lose sight of what you learned and swore to never take for granted (I do believe that is why God asks us not to swear....it's always a lie, we never stick to our promise).

I believe that is why God allows us to experience sufferings and trials a few times in different ways; until we get it permanently. I know I "get it", I just don't know what to do with "it" or how to allow it to change my life. I am still not sure how I am supposed to grow out of all this.

I have found myself the last 3 weeks kind of going on a backwards slope in this area. Since we closed on our house, my mom had a stroke, I got a concussion which has been and is still very difficult to heal from, Caileigh was hospitalized with Viral Meningitis, Braedon got a concussion and a puncture wound on his head, Soapy and I got food poisoning, Braedon had what I fear my have been his first real full circle GI episode since June....and now I am starting a new business venture that is not starting up in the most promising way. I am swamped with mental overload. I am overwhelmed with so many emotions and want to just sit and have a really good cry. I told my sister yesterday via facebook that I just don't know how much more my heart can take of this no beach thing. When I was stressed or overwhelmed, that's where I went; the beach. I would sit and think and pray, cry, go for a walk...it always cleared my head. I need to clear my head for a bit, gain some perspective and listen for God's direction.

I feel like there is too much noise, too much chaos here in town to hear anything. I am trying to grow through my sufferings but I feel more or less like I am passing from one to another without learning anything from the previous. Tonight I am praying for some help, some guidance, some silence so I can hear God speak and grow through my sufferings.