Braedon is getting tubes.....

So I took Braedon to the ENT this morning....I thought maybe he would give us an idea of another way to drain his ears. Instead they booked him for surgery this Friday...the 13th. Is that bad that his surgery is on the 13th???, not that I believe in that stuff...because I don't. But still.....

I guess I am nervous because last time Braedon was under sedation he came out having problems breathing and was put on oxygen for 2 days...he was only supposed to stay in over night. Plus Soapy isn't home, he left yesterday for work so I will be going it alone this time. I have Caileigh to think of, she has school Friday morning and I think I have someone that can take her but I am still nervous. The thing I am dreading the most is having to help hold him still while they put the mask on him. He fought a LONG TIME and it was hard on me to watch him cry so hard. No he's older and bigger and I am going to be a nervous wreck. Pray for us that things go well. I know it's nothing major, and it could be a lot worse but I don't think any procedure is easy for mom's to give up control.

I guess that is why I constantly give control over to God...it's a life long process really. Daily I submit to God, and ask him to take control of my life and my struggles. Daily I ask for forgiveness for failing and accomplishing this goal. Daily He forgives me and takes up my cross again. Such a wonderful Father!

A Thankful Heart

I am in such awe and admiration of our God right now! Today was just another day for most but for the McKinney family it was a day filled with miracles and proof that our God is a Mighty God! Stellan and his mom headed for Boston late last week to begin the process of a possible (but inevitable) heart surgery that was scheduled for tomorrow morning. After Sunday early afternoon, it was obvious this procedure would have to be done and soon. Today was an unimaginably hard day for both Stellan and his parents. His mom, Jennifer, sat and watched as he struggled to hold on and at one point flat lined. He was in need of a miracle. Tonight, God gave him that miracle. His doctors were faced with having to sacrifice a vital part of his heart that would have required a permanant pacemaker when one of them had a risky idea. They went with it and it worked!!!!
Stellan is SVT free!! He is beating in normal sinus rythm and did not need a pacemaker. Upon reading this news I cried! I cried and thanked God for the miraculous work He performed today and for letting His will be for Stellan to live. His dad has finally been able to make it to Boston to be with him and Jennifer after having struggles of his own at the airports. They are together and I am so thankful!

This news makes me so thankful for my family. For the overall health that we have. Thankful that God has taken care of Braedon this week as he had the swine flu and had an exceptionally high fever for several days. Thankful that so far, no one else has caught it. Thankful that his respiratory problems, while they sound bad, have not caused him to develop pneumonia. I am thankful.

I am also thankful to Jennifer, for her faith. I don't know how she does it but I want to have faith that strong. I love my Lord and feel very strong in my faith but I am encouraged by Jennifer's ability to let go and let God take control. She was able to let Him have Stellan, no matter what the outcome was to be and she was ok with that. Of course she wanted her baby back in her arms but she realized that God's plan may not be her plan. I have learned so much from her and through their struggles with Stellan's SVT, I have grown closer to God and strengthened my relationship with Him. Thank you Jennifer!

Last, I am thankful for my husband and the life he works so hard to provide for us. His job is not the best and the sacrifice he makes of not being home is often very hard. We are searching and waiting on God to bless us with a job that will allow Soapy to stay home with us. For now though, we are thankful for the time we do get together. I am thankful that God has helped us grow through A LOT of struggles in our marriage; without Him we would surely have ended in divorce. We have a lot of growing to do still and things that we need to work through, but thanks to our Heavenly Father, I know we will make it and come out stronger and closer than we could ever have imagined we would be.

So tonight, in honor of Stellan, I am thankful. I have a thankful heart for all of my blessings, all of my weaknesses that provide me an opportunity for growth, for all of my family and friends, and for my God. Without Him, none of this would be possible.

Goodnight! :)

Hot and Healthy Through the Holidays

So, I have found this challenge through http://www.mckmama.com/ in her blog community and I think it's a great idea! Go to http://www.mannland5.com/2009/11/healthy-thru-holidays.html to find out how to sign up and participate. The idea is we are all encouraging and challenging each other through the New Year to get healthy and lose weight. Everyone will post on Tuesdays with their progress, will receive their weekly challenge from the administrators and on Thursdays there will be tips/ideas for how to make your goals a success.

So here it goes.

I have spent the last 11 months chasing my newborn son and 5 year old daughter. Braedon has had many health issues that caused me to be on a very strict diet in order to continue breast feeding. I have been so excited to see how God has used this time to help me lose weight. I have lost all my pregnancy weight and 35 pounds on top of that; a total of 75 pounds since Nov 24, 2008!!!!!

I still need to lose about 15-20 pounds and really need to tone more than anything at this point. I want to continue to breast feed but am having a lot of problems with my supply so I don't think I will be able to keep it up much longer. This scares me because then the temptations to eat freely will be back. Right now I can control what I eat for the sake of my son.

I want so much though to be able to end this year knowing I have completed my weight loss goal and all of it is behind me. I need motivation though. I need someone to push/challenge me; I am a VERY competitive person (in a healthy way). My husband travels a lot and I don't have a workout partner so I end up spending most of my workout time teaching dance and trying to take a class of my own here and there. I need someone I can check in to say, "Hey I went to the gym today!"  I LOVE TO WORKOUT and I LOVE the gym. I just need someone to help get me in the pattern of going.

I am excited that this group will give me the challenge and accountability to do this. Good luck everyone!!!

Please pray for Stellan

Please pray for Stellan McKinney! He is going to be one tomorrow, October 29th. He is currently in PICU at Children's in Minneapolis, MN. He was taken there last night after going into SVT and not being able to correct himself. The night and day have been such a rollercoaster and have been VERY VERY serious.
He is such a precious and beautifully amazing child. Please send him and his family and the doctors all the prayers and warm wishes you can. They really need them right now.
To follow his story, please go to http://www.mckmama.com/ or click on the button at the bottom of my page.

Thanks!
Christy

Not Me Monday

So this week was pretty slow, but I can't help telling a few Not Me's myself.

Braedon is such an amazing child. He is really growing up! So much that he is pointing and starting to say more "words". We went to Walmart and so did not want to crawl under a shelf as he pointed at a woman and said, "Dog, dog!" My child would never say something embarrassing like that, they are always well mannered.

While walking through the same trip to Walmart Caileigh was recounting the latest Biggest Loser episode. We love to watch this show together. After talking about the show, she did not, very loudly proclaim that she would like to go to the Biggest Loser campus but that she doesn't want to be one of the fat people that go there. Wouldn't you know there were plus sized people shopping on the same isle.....I would NEVER allow my child to talk about something so sensitive. She would never make me want to just crawl into the freezer just to get away from some of the looks I was getting.

Last, I most certainly didn't let a 4 year old babysit my 11 mos old (in the next room) just so I could stay and take one dance class, one free hour to myself. Not Me!

Happy Not Me Monday everyone!!

Kids, the say the darndest things!

So yesterday I picked Caileigh up from school and took her to use her Starbucks gift card on a hot chocolate. Yes, you heard me right, my 5 year old daughter got a Starbucks gift card as a birthday present. She absolutely loves their hot chocolates and we are trying to explain the value of money management to her so she doesn't make the same mistakes we have made.

On the way to Starbucks:

C:Mom, can I get a snack too? I am hungry.

Me: Well honey, Mommy used our play money up the other day to get us a slushy. We have to wait until next week for more play money. Can you wait until we get home?

C:I guess, but then how are we buying the hot cocoa?

Me: With your gift card, you still have money on it.

C: Then can I use the rest of the money to buy a snack? Then we don't have to use our money! It's like free money!!!

Oh, if only it were that simple. :)

So after our drive thru at Starbucks we went to Mardels, a wonderful Christian store here. It's like Sams is to Walmart; Mardels seems to have an amazing selection over some other smaller stores. We like to go and sit in the childrens' area and look at all the new things. On our way out we saw a sight that interested and perplexed Caileigh.

C: Mom, look at those girls! They have pink stripes in their hair!!! That's weird.

M:Uh huh.

C:Mom, when I get older, like 10 can I put pink in my hair? Pink is one of my favorite colors.

M: (not wanting to start opening that issue) Well honey, lets see how things go when we get to that point. Okay?

C:Okay, what about doing it now? I could look like Lady Lovelylocks (yes, I had that book as a child and have passed it on to her)

M:Well, you need to ask your Daddy about that one. This is a pretty big thing so both Mommy and Daddy need to agree on it together or the answer is no.

C:Well I don't want to ask Daddy first. Let's do it and then tell him.

M:laughing-Nope you need to ask him first, those are the rules.

C: Well, I can just wait until I am older and then I can do it anyways.

Kids say the darndest things!

Letter to my Angel

You can skip over this post if you want. It was more or less a way for me to get my thoughts and feeling on "paper" and to have later as I look back on life. I just need to say it so maybe it will help resolve. If anyone reads this, please pray for me. I am having a hard time dealing with this and it makes me angry. I dont want to hurt over this anymore. I am so happy and blessed to have my two children, especially Braedon after all the miscarriages. That makes me angry that I cannot let it go when I have been blessed with these two beautiful children.

Angel,
It's been two years since I had to say goodbye to you. I feel silly sometimes hurting so much over a baby I never held, you weren't even in my for that long. I never got to feel you kick or watch you suck your thumb. I heard your heartbeat though and for 12 weeks I knew you were mine!
But I was wrong; you weren't mine. You, just like all my children, are God's. He took you just like he took the others for reasons I don't understand.
I never wanted a big family but if I could have God grant a wish it would be to have all my children back. I think maybe that's why I wanted to get pregnant again and was upset about Daddy's surgery. I know it's not true but somehow I guess I feel like having another baby would bring you back or fill the  hole you left. I know now after having your brother that your spot can't be filled no matter how many babies I have.
I miss you, so much. It hurts still so bad. I hoped that hurt would go away but it doesn't. I remember my time with you like it just happened. I remember the details of what I wore, where we went, the doctors' appts, telling your sister, hearing your heartbeat, seeing you jump around, and not hearing your heartbeat.
I remember sitting there crying and how wonderful Caileigh was just hugging my foot. I remember calling your Daddy and driving 4 hours to go pick him up. I remember that morning signing permission for them to take you from me. I hated it! I wanted to keep you, forever. I cried and hurt; I still do.
I think about you all the time and wish I could have held you, even for a moment. Did you look like me? Did you have my button nose and your Daddy's eyes and smile? Was I to have another little girl like I suspect you were??
Why couldn't you stay? What job has God given you up there? Are you running and playing? Do you sing and help take care of the animals? Please tell the others I love them and miss them. Please watch out for these children down here hurting and sick. I pray God will let you watch over us too.
I love you and miss you so much but am so thankful I got a second chance at giving life to a child. Caileigh and Braedon are my world here and I am so lucky to have them. I love you and someday I will be able to hold you and see how beautiful God created you.

Love you!
Mommy