I have been thinking a lot about what is important to me in life; what I want most out of it and when people ask what I want for Christmas....what do I really want???
It's no secret that any mother that loses a child will forever think of her unborn that she was unable to hold. That is my constant wish. Sometimes I wish God would just give me a glimpse of their face, or what they are doing in their days in Heaven. I pray for it and quite frankly the last few months...I NEED it.
I was talking to my sister about this a few weeks back and she said something that really touched me. While it doesn't make all the sadness go away or the desire to hold them just once disappear, it gives me hope.
She told me that those are the blessings of Heaven. Isn't it great to think that I have children who have never known one instance of fear, pain, saddness or disapointment. They have never gotten in trouble, never sinned and had to face the consequences. They were born into the arms of God, perfect and whole; just how He designed them to be. Someday, I will be able to look upon their faces and see how beautiful God made them and know how they blessed God's design.
That makes me smile and makes the sting of pain less.
So while what I want for Christmas isn't fancy gifts or even those more simple, I atleast have the gift of hope in knowing God has a gift waiting for me when I enter the gates of Heaven. I hope and pray every night that is what God fills my dreams with. Such a wonderful way to dream! :)
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