Sunday, December 20, 2009

Getting to Know You

1. Middle name?


2. What do you think is your best asset (physical)?


3. If you could only eat one type of cuisine for a year, what would it be (Mexican, American,Chinese..etc.)?


4. Walmart or Target?


5. Favorite State besides the one you live in?

South Carolina!

6. What side of the bed do you sleep on, left or right?


7. King or Queen size bed?


8. Beer or wine?


9. or room temp?


10. it or hate it?

Love it!
Thanks Keely! This is fun! Have a great Sunday; as long as it's better than last Sunday! lol

Friday, December 18, 2009

Photography related giveaway

It is SO Christmas time!!! I keep finding such wonderful giveaways! This morning MckMama  and Grammie Mommy posted a giveaway for Photoshop and Lightroom! Go check it out for all the details and enter for a chance to win! The contest goes until Sunday!

Good luck to you all!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Another Giveaway!

I am finding all sorts of fun stuff to pass along today! This giveaway is so darn cute! I hope I win them for Braedon!! He would love them and maybe (wink wink) it would give him a reason to start walking for Christmas!!
Go check them out!

Give for Compassion!

This is a wonderful idea! Aside from the wonderful prize being offered here, Compassion is a wonderful organization! I live not too far from their front door and have seen how they have affected many projects but also the impact they have on Colorado Springs. When I saw this contest I decided to give in addition to what I have done in the past. Please think about giving to this group, they truly use every donation and multiply it to help many!

What a wonderful Christmas gift!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Hot and Healthy Week 7 it feels like I have been gone FOREVER!! I am finally done with the Nutcracker (sigh of relief for the opportunity to get things done for Christmas...somewhat sad that it comes and goes in such a whirlwind though--pictures soon I hope). I got back home tonight from having Braedon at Childrens and Nat'l Jewish in Denver for him being sick, trying to figure it all out. Plans and theories are in the process so please pray we get the answers and results soon!

ANYWAYS....on to my week!
I have continued monitoring what I am eating, forcing myself to drink one water bottle during and right after breakfast, one mid day and one in the afternoon while I am getting prepared to fix dinner. I figure that way, aside from anything else I drink (which I do) I am getting about 80 ounces of water in a day!

I have lost another 2 pounds this past week and though my workouts have not been fabulous or structured..with Nutcracker I have spent Thursday-Monday running around for nearly 3 hours before taking a break. The hour long show...yea...running from one end of the stage to the other to get kids on and then off stage is a lot more work than it sounds.

I am so excited to see what this week holds now that I am done with Nutcracker and next calendar week we will be in Texas so I will have help with the kids and can actually sneak off to the gym or...*gasp* go run the neighborhood because it isn't -20 there!!!

Keely, sorry, I have not gotten in my pilates this week but I wil def make up for it this week! I miss them!!! Any more good exercises to strengthen the lower back???

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Nutcracker and Prayers

This morning was opening for Nutcracker and the kids did a wonderful job all in all! It was a wonderful opening that showed how dedicated our kids are and how wonderfully they work together and care about each other. Please pray that the next 4 shows go just as well or better and that everyone gets to and from safely and healthy!

Next, please pray for Braedon. I picked him up this afternoon after the show was over and he seemed ok. By the time we got home and I started to make lunch he threw up once (assuming it was from shoving his hand down his throat because he was hungry) I continued to try and feed him lunch. I gave up on this attempt as he screamed and threw the food on the floor....yes, nice mess. :) He felt warm so I took his temp and it was at 101.6 and his eczema has flared up bad. A few hours later I changed a horrible diaper that was mixed with blood in it again. We have been blood free since June and now we are starting over with the same place we were this time last year. The doctors aren't sure what to do, his respiratory stuff still isn't better and they don't know what to do about that either. SO, we have now thrown up three times today...running a temp still...blood....Lord, please take care of my baby and heal him so we can have a wonderful, carefree Christmas!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Jewelry Contest!

There is a contest going on at Keely's blog for some beautiful jewelry! Go check it out!!! I know I have! :)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Hot and Healthy week 6

This past week was not very good. I had the flu...among other wonderful monthly exercising didn't really happen. Here's a recap:

Keely, I didn't do the exercises every day but I did get two days worth done.

I did get TONS of veggies and fruits in as anything fried or too flavorful turned me off being sick and all.....I ate very well and lost 3 pounds!

Over the next 3 weeks I just want to lose the last 10 pounds to my goal for the year, I need to still get in a consistent routine. I am having trouble with this since right now I can't take Braedon to the gym daycare center.

Working out at home usually ends up happening at 10pm after the kids are in bed and the house is picked up....lately I have not been motivated to do that verses going to sleep. On a positive note, I did rehearse Nutcracker for 3 hours this past weekend as our show opens Thursday.

Well, there you go. Not a spectacular week but this week is packed full so, should be good!

MckLinky Blog Hop

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Getting to Know Me!

I found this on a friend's blog and thought I would jump in! Please feel free to jump in too! Have fun with this, either leave your answers in the comment section (just cut and paste the questions) or link up to McLinky! :)

1. How old are you?


2.Where are you from and where do you live now?

Originally from Charleston,SC. My dad was military and we moved a lot from ages 9-16. I went back to Charleston for college and met my hubby there. We moved back to Texas when he got out of the Navy and now live in Colorado take your pick! :) --I claim Chas.

3. What music have you been diggin lately?

Christmas of course!

4. Favorite food(s)?

Mexican...or anything with dairy as I just recently got to start eating it again after not eating it for a year.

5. Single,married, divorced?

Married nearly 7 years.

6. Kids? If so, how many and how old?

Six...Two here on earth: Caileigh 5 and Braedon 1, 4 more waiting for me in Heaven.

7. What are 3 blogs you read daily?

I read about 5 different blogs a day and would rather not specify just to keep others from wondering why I don't check theirs daily too.

8. What is your favorite Christmas/Holiday tradition?

Hmmm, making Jesus' birthday cake with Caileigh, baking and taking it around to the polic/fire departments and military institutions here in town on Christmas morning.

9. Lastly, if you're a blogger, how long have you been blogging and if you don't have long have you been reading blogs?

I have been blogging since April and following MckMama's blog for the past year. I have a few friends that also keep blogs but don't update often; they have been blogging for nearly 2 years.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Forgiveness and Grace

So, in light of all the drama in the tabloids about this couple and that couple, I decided to write this post. It is sad that our society has to focus on the "he said/ she said" instead of trying to help these couples overcome their struggles.

Why does our world see it as their duty to air everyone's dirty laundry? Why does a person's infidelities, moral hangups, police run-ins, alcoholic and drug setbacks make the news??!!!!??

You don't see them airing the blessings and positive happenings of our celebrities lives. Why not focus on the good parenting moments or the loving actions or embraces of a couple? What about the kindness extended to total strangers and charity donations that are given? Report about things that will lift others up! Encourage your readers to aspire to do more with their life and stop the gossipping that is tearing eachother down and stirring up insecurities in their own lives. This would be far more productive in so many ways.

I believe struggles that come to light should be dealt with in private. It is not my business to know what is happening in another's personal life. If they are struggling and would like help and come to me for that help, it is totally their choice.

Healing begins with you though. It requires you to feel remorse and desire to change. You have to own your mistakes to yourself, to the victim(s) involved, to God, and to a counselor as needed. Once you can own your mistakes you can start the road to recovery, healing, and moving forward.

I do believe in counseling, Christian counseling above all as I feel these counselors have the desire to help you restore your marriage at all costs if possible. Counseling allows both sides to air out their hurts, their fears, their individual faults in a neutral environment. You have a third party to hold you accountable for your actions. They help you to increase proper communication and teach you how to prevent the current situation from arising again.

Next comes forgiveness. Forgiveness needs to come from you to yourself. You can ask for forgiveness of the person you hurt but you have to be able to forgive yourself in order to put it in the past. You have to ask for forgiveness from your partner. The hard part is you have to realize they may not forgive you; or if they do, don't be confused with forgiveness and forgetfulness. Your spouse may forgive you but it takes time to forget. I know this from personal experiences. My husband, after 3 years of marriage, revealed some very hard secrets from the beginnings of our life together. He had no idea if I would take our daughter and leave him, though he said I had every right to do so and he mostly expected me to. Instead, I knew God had brought us together for a specific purpose. I don't believe in divorce and decided that even though I was hurting, I really did love him and wanted to try and work past our current pain.

We began counseling, starting communicating A LOT about our individual fears and things about ourselves we wanted to change. It changed and saved our marriage! It hasn't been easy and still has it's down times as forgiveness does not mean forgetfulness. I ask God for His grace to allow me to forget. Most of the memories are gone where as before I asked for His grace, the memories and thoughts, anxieties would surface every day.

God's grace is a powerful thing! It can help you to forgive AND forget. It saves you from your sins and can help you overcome your weaknesses and remove them from your personal makeup. Without God's grace we would be lost and without hope.

I hope maybe this helps someone else possibly struggling with these issues or maybe someone who is hooked on all the gossip and hype to evaluate their own actions and turn them into something good.

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Hot and Healthy...week 5

--ok, so i am putting this in after i wrote my post....cant get the logo to copy over so just imagine it's here anyways. :)

This past week, in spite of the holidays, was actually pretty good. I did all the pilates exercises, lost 5 pounds (dont feel it though) and went on two walks; one with kids and one just me and Soapy. IT WAS GREAT! :)

I did really well eating too! I have put together a nice regimin that allows roughly 400 calories a meal. Works out to 1600 cal (4 meals). For Thanksgiving, Soapy and I hosted so we cooked everything. It was all made to be on the healthier side of the holiday. To make it extra cautious I took a desert plate (knowing I would want to go back for seconds), so when it was time for wanting just another spoonful of this or that, it wasn't more food that getting one regular helping. It's the simple things that fool my mind these days....

I am not feeling my best today as my "aunt" came to visit..I wish she wouldn't bother...but I am getting ready for Nutcracker performances next week so it is going to be busy busy and tons of rehearsals. I shouldn't have a problem getting in the workout time...just hoping for the energy to continue the pilates this week! :)

MckLinky Blog Hop

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy B-Day sweet Braedon

I know this is late but it's been a big day for us! We have had so much fun playing and getting prepared for your birthday party/Thanksgiving dinner Thursday. I wanted to document your first birthday though so I and you will have it to read in the future. So here it goes:

You are the love of my life and have absolutely stollen my heart. I can't believe you are already one year old! It seems like yesterday that I was still pregnant with you, laying in the hospital bed anxiously awaiting your arrival. The labor was so long and soo difficult but at 12:49pm there you were! So perfect and sweet and absolutely breathtaking. I will never forget that day.
You are such a blessing from Heaven to me and your father. We love you so much! Caileigh loves you so much too and it is wonderful to see how yall light up every time yall are together.

I love our snuggles. I wish they could be at any other time than the middle of the night but I love them just the same and know that some day soon you will outgrow that need for being close. I am holding onto every precious moment I can! Your love has helped heal my heart and I love you for that too!

Your sweet little smile and dark blues eyes can stop my heart and take away the feelings of fatigue on the days I am so far beyond drained.

You are my sweet, sweet little man and always will be. Thank you for letting me be your Mommy, I know I am thankful that you are my son.

Love you with all my heart! Happy first birthday!


Monday, November 23, 2009

Hot and Healthy...week 4..I think :)

H&H Button

This week has been horrible and frustrating and uninspiring!
I have eaten so well this week (except for one day that I did not totally blow) and thought I was going to be able to hit the gym every day.

Instead....I have been sick with what I now know is a major sinus infection. With the feeling of death yesterday, I reluctantly shelled out the copay to be seen at the doctors. Glad I did now though!

So instead of kickin it in the gym non stop, I spent it in bed. I only got about 3 hours in total for the week. I am however getting tons and tons of water in my diet no and that is great! I LOVE the pilates moves and do them every day, even if I haven't gotten to the gym. They are helping with my flexibility and my dancing too. I dug out my prego pilates video and have done that with my daughter.

I am not feeling so hot this week but was up until I got sick so I am sure this has just been a down week due to the infection. I did have some fast food, but I didn't get fries (got a side salad) and got chicken strips instead of a burger.

Hoping the next few days can help correct last week and prevent Thursday from being overwhelming. Good news is everyone is coming over to celebrate Braedon's birthday for Thanksgiving so I am doing all the cooking. Hot and Healthy being served up for everyone this holiday season! :)

MckLinky Blog Hop

My Favorite Things!

I follow a wonderful woman's blog and she has put together a contest of her favorite things. She's listed her 5 favorite things with the intention that after everyone has posted, it will give tons of Christmas shopping ideas. I think this is great!
Being sick, I almost missed it but I am going to jump on in here and hope someone may see this last minute and join in too!

My 5 Favorite Things!

1. My dance shoes....I love taking ballet. It is a wonderful form of exercise and expression.

2. My Mary Kay products. I have used their skin care since I was 8 and I absolutely love it and love selling it! There are so many cool things and wonderful colors. The quality is great and the price is wonderful!

3. My camera. I have an Olympus...not what I would like but the picture quality isn't bad for a P&S. I am saving up for a Cannon xti...that is going to be a good day!

4. My Victorias Seceret bras! I just go them and they are wonderful and comfortable. It's definitely an investment but they fit perfectly and last such a long time!

5. My Josh Groban Noel Christmas cd from last year. I have been listening to it in the car a lot lately!

Well, those are just a few. Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas everyone! Have fun shopping.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hot and Healthy Week 3

H&H Button

Sorry, this is going to be as organized as I can be right now, as I have had 2 hours of sleep and I am crashing BIG time!

This past week was not what I wanted it to be. I have tried the pilates 3 days this past week, danced 4 hours and did kettleball workout once. I have wanted to start running again. I really REALLY want to run a half marathon this spring! I need the motivation to get out and run...just have NO motivation to do it in the snow :). Not that it's an excuse but we had Braedon at the doctors twice this week for allergic reactions and then Friday morning for tubes....I am so ready for my hubby to come home tomorrow!!! :)

My diet has been for the most part great. I only went to Chickfila once but got a salad. I did have a piece of chocolate cake my dad brought home (but I spread it out over 4 days....two or three bites a night so does that count?? :) ) My biggest concern over my diet is still the water intake and we have had to put Braedon on a formula for the most part so he isn't getting much breast milk now. The temptations to eat more freely are really great as I am not restricted for the health of my son.

It will all work out!..workout...haha! :P

Sorry this is late but I just got back from Denver Children's and the kids are in bed! Going to work harder this week so I can get the weight advantage before the holiday! Can anyone help me out with why I have not lossed pound weight but my clothes are fitting loser??? That is very frustrating!

MckLinky Blog Hop

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Thank God for small groups!

I should be going to bed but I wanted to post a small preface to a longer post tomorrow. Yesterday I attended the Focus On Parenting conference here in Colorado Springs at Focus on the Family. It was A.MA.ZING!!!!!!!! I learned so much! Have you ever been somewhere that you just knew God was calling you to? A place where you just knew he brought you to in order to tell you something? Something that will help you grow?

That is how I felt yesterday. The registration was money I had a hard time spending but I felt God pushing me to fill out the registration. I told Soapy I needed to go, that with the current stresses of our life and the road block I have found myself at lately in parenting with Caileigh, I knew God wanted me there to learn something. LEARN I DID!

We heard from several speakers and over the next few days I will blog about each one. I think it's important to give them each their own time becuase they each had so much to say.

I realized a lot about my own personal struggles. Struggles I think I knew I had between me and God but was easier to deny until now. I realized I feel let down by God, that I was hurt, my life has not turned out the way I thought it should. I didn't have the perfect husband, the perfect marriage, the way that perfect marriage made a perfect family......seeing a pattern here???? I have felt that the hurts and hangups of my past were God's way of punishing me for something. That maybe I didn't deserve a Godly husband and a happy marriage. That I didn't deserve a close knit relationship with my daughter and the children I have lost were in some way punishment for something I had done to let God down.

I am here to say, nothing could be more wrong...screwed up...TOTALLY TOTALLY off base! I know that! I have always known that but the hurt I have felt through events in my marriage have caused me to have trouble trusting. Not only trusting my husband (which is very unhealthy and we are MUCH better at now, we have been attending counseling ever since and I encourage anyone experiencing hurdles in their marriage to seek out a third party--qualified third party and talk it out. We aren't fixed by any means but we are working on it) but also trusting God to take care of me, my kids, my marriage. I realized it's easy for me to be engaged in a relationship with Christ until it gets too deep and then I back out. I feel trapped and vulnerable. At that moment I am transparent and that scares me. Scares me to think God could see me for me, all the sin I am and that He would turn away. That the hang ups I have created for myself are too much, the way I project them into my marriage and how they affect my parenting.

I got home last night and my dad sat down to hear about the conference. I told him what I was thinking and he told me something that stung but was very much the truth, "Christy, your problems in parenting and between you and Soapy have nothing to do with them. Your problems are a result of your troubled relationship with God. You can't blame this on anyone or anything else, this is your problem." He was right. After thinking on it last night and being faced again with this idea in our small group study this evening, I realize the conflict in my relationship with God directly affects my relationships with others. It causes me not to give over my marriage and my children to God because I fear losing them too. I fear God not caring for them the way I want him to. The irony is, God's will is not determined by my desires. I have to give up all to Him and rest assured that God is going to protect my worries. I have to know that what I hav been through is in no way punishment. God won't give me more than I can handle and if I had not been through some of these building moments I would not be growing my relationship with God.

My small group tonight allowed me to really see how my insecurities with God are affecting my ability to be a Godly wife and mother. I so desperately want to be both but first I need to work on me and my relationship with the Big Man upstairs. Once that is right, the rest of my relationships will benefit and thrive from it.

Good night. I know this probably came off as mixed ramblings but I will sleep better with it off my mind and on paper. Goodnight! :)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Oh the sweet sweet sounds!

Braedon is out of surgery and has been taking a nap. He did very well during the surgery. His right ear had a lot of puss and fluid in it so they drained it out and inserted the two tubes.
Prior to surgery, we got there early, Braedon and I went for a walk around the surgery center and I pulled him in his first wagon ride! He had so much fun until my dad showed up and then he wanted "Papa" to pick him up and get him outta there!
He struggled a bit with the anesthesia..I thought I was going to end up KO-ed but finally he started to cooperate and we were able to hold the mask on him to get him ready for surgery. It was a bit emotional for me to watch him fight and then suddenly go limp and his body shake. After the surgery I was able to go back to recovery and could hear him as I walked down the hall. He was awake and mad. He was ok. Angry but ok. I fed him, not that it helped :) We waited a while to make sure this time he kept his O2 sats up (he did) and then we were let go. When we got home he snuggled for a bit and then went straight to sleep! He's been sleeing for 3 hours!

Dr. C said the next couple days may be touchy for him just because he is going to have an immediate change in his ability to hear. Sounds are going to be much clearer and louder. His hearing before was much like that of plugged ears when flying or driving into higher altitudes. Everything was very muffled and distant sounding. Now it is very clear and much louder to him. Dr. C said it might scare him for a few days until he gets used to his new hearing.

We are all optimistic that it is going to help a lot of things! He is going to stop having ear infections! He is going to start hearing all the beautiful, sweet sounds of this wonderful  world. Hopefully it is going to turn his speech and balance around as well. I am so excited to see what changes we have in store!

Five Question Friday

I saw this on Mama M's blog and thought it sounded like something fun to do as I sit here with my baby boy sleeping in my arms. Here it goes! :)

1. What is your favorite "eat" on Thanksgiving?

Wow! I love the holidays. Now I love Thanksgiving even more as my little man's birthday is that week! I think my most favorite dish is my turkey. I baste it in butter (or EVOO now that I have made it a couple times and am looking, then add pineapple and rosemary. It cooks very quickly no matter how big the turkey is, it cooks in about 2.5 hours. It's so juicy but not sweet like you would think it would be from the pineapple.

2. What is the name your best girl friend and the best trait about her or how you met (or heck, both!!)

Ane, actualy it's Ariane. She's from Brazil and we met when our husbands had first joined the Navy. We were next door neighbors, were pregnant with our first two together and also with the second two we were due on the same day. She and I are so much a like and we have so much in common. We act and look alike and consider each other sisters. We even share the same last name!
Our kids are the same ages and love to be with each other. Our husbands are best friends as well and we can't wait to be able to live close to each other again. She is so honest and kind and I know she would be here for me in a heartbeat if I needed her; no matter the cost or time of day.

3. What would you say is one of your "weirdest" quirks?

Hmm, the one thing that drove my husband nuts when we were first married was how I put the comforter on. It had flowers on it and I had to have the blossoms at the top and the stems pointing towards the bottom of the bed. Because flowers grow up not down...duh! :)

There are many more but he isn't here to help me think of them. :)

4. What is your favorite genre of music? (Hip hop? Classical? Rock? etc.)

Hmm, I don't care for heavymetal, hard rock or rap. I mostly listen to Contemporary Christian, Country, some classical when my husband lets me. I used to sing with the Symphony and loved it.

5. Are you a Night Owl...or an Early Bird?

I am definitely more of a night owl instead of an early bird. I seem to handle this post-pregnancy's no sleep regimin better than the first. If I got to sleep more than 4 or 5 hours I might be more of a morning person. They key is to let me have 20 minutes to myself and wake up without anyone asking for anything, nagging...etc.

MckLinky Blog Hop

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Hot and Healthy...week 2

So week one did not go as well as I had hoped but I was still able to get in 3 hours of dance (180 min total!). It wasn't my normal load but with two kids sick...I am happy I got that much done.
The diet definitely is getting back on track. Now that Braedon seems to be handling more in his diet, I have been slacking in watching what I eat as much. Still not horrible but definitely not as good as I was being. I spent this week trying to get myself back on track. I actually went through the cubboards and threw out things that I knew would tempt me. That didn't go over well with the hubby at times because they were things he liked but he'll get over it. :) I figure he doesn't need them and I explained that I needed his help on this so I could reach my goal. He seemed ok then.

This week I am going for no cokes (as a Southerner this does not refer to actual Coke but to all carbonated bvgs). I picked up some limes and lemons and plan to have them in my water to change it up a bit when I get tired of plain water. I am also logging my intake so I can see what I am eating and how much. I got away from logging what I ate because everything I was eating I knew Braedon could get through nursing. Just because it's healthy for him and not going to cause allergy probs doesn't mean I can continue to eat. Everything in moderation. :)

I got 45 min of pilates in tonight and want to have twice that amount tomorrow. Braedon goes in for surgery Friday morning so Friday and Saturday could be challenging...we will see. I am praying for the best!

I am thankful for....

I would love to start some posts related to the upcoming holidays to see how others celebrate and what traditions they may have, etc. I really would like this to be an open post that we can learn about each other and other's cultures and families. Please feel free to jump in and comment!

This post, I want to talk about what we are thankful for. I would like to see what miracles God is working in other's lives, what blessings have been given to everyone. It doesn't matter how large or small they are. It could be that you got to sleep in this morning while normally your children have you up by 6am. It could be that you got a good grade on a recent test. It could be a successful surgery or the fact that you were blessed with an anonymus gift that helped you and your family make ends meet in this struggling economy. Anything! I want this to be a post that can inspire others and give hope as we face seperate struggles through life.

Right now I have A LOT to be thankful for. My children are getting healthy and Friday afternoon Braedon will prayerfully be able to hear better and regain his small hearing loss. I am thankful I even HAVE children; that God allowed me to make it through these two pregnancies. It is amazing and a miracle!

I am thankful for having a day to relax and not have an agenda so I can spend time with my daughter. We are going to start working on our homemade Christmas ornaments that we are giving as gifts this year. With things being tight, we are making our gifts. I am so excited! It will truly be a way to give without the stress of how much we have spent. Caileigh is really excited too!

I am thankful we have insurance right now as we have been to doctors a lot lately and have several more over the next few weeks. I am thankful my wonderful husband sticks with his job so he can take care of us; even though it keeps him gone more than he's home. I love him for loving us enough to work so hard! Thanks honey!!!

I am thankful my parents have let us live with them for nearly 2 years. While it was no one's plan for us to stay this long, I am grateful we are not "on the streets" or in total financial ruin as we wait for our house to sell back in Texas. They have 100% shown how Jesus intended us to be there for others. THANK YOU!

I am thankful for my health. Thankful that the mammogram I had came out negative for a lump; that I will not be faced with breast cancer. My prayers go out to the women and families that are faced with this. The thoughts that race through your head while you wait for the test and then wait for the results are horrible. Every time I looked at my family, my children I cried wondering if I would be able to help them grow up, if I would be able to care for them if I had to go through was a humbling time in my life and I am so thankful God has protected me and allowed me to get healthy results. My prayers and sympathy extend to those that are walking this road no matter what type of cancer it is.

Finally, I am thankful for my faith. For having a loving Heavenly Father who is always here no matter how nice...or hateful I have been. He doesn't leave me when I try to go it on my own, He waits patiently for me to return. He cares for my children in Heaven as well as my children here on earth. He protects my family and allows me to grow daily! He has saved me and has a special place for me waiting in Heaven. He is such a wonderful God!

So! What are you thankful for?? I would love to hear and rejoice in your blessings!!! Have a wonderful Veterans Day!


Veteran's Day

Happy  Veteran's Day everyone! Thank you to all those who have served (thanks Daddy! thanks Honey!) and to those who are serving now (thanks Byron and Ane! thanks Kala and Nick! thank you to all those I don't know or haven't mentioned). We are so lucky to live in a country that is protected so well. I am so grateful to those men and women who are away from their families so I can sleep in peace at night and to their spouses and children for sacrificing their family member to secure my safety.

Thank You!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Braedon is getting tubes.....

So I took Braedon to the ENT this morning....I thought maybe he would give us an idea of another way to drain his ears. Instead they booked him for surgery this Friday...the 13th. Is that bad that his surgery is on the 13th???, not that I believe in that stuff...because I don't. But still.....

I guess I am nervous because last time Braedon was under sedation he came out having problems breathing and was put on oxygen for 2 days...he was only supposed to stay in over night. Plus Soapy isn't home, he left yesterday for work so I will be going it alone this time. I have Caileigh to think of, she has school Friday morning and I think I have someone that can take her but I am still nervous. The thing I am dreading the most is having to help hold him still while they put the mask on him. He fought a LONG TIME and it was hard on me to watch him cry so hard. No he's older and bigger and I am going to be a nervous wreck. Pray for us that things go well. I know it's nothing major, and it could be a lot worse but I don't think any procedure is easy for mom's to give up control.

I guess that is why I constantly give control over to's a life long process really. Daily I submit to God, and ask him to take control of my life and my struggles. Daily I ask for forgiveness for failing and accomplishing this goal. Daily He forgives me and takes up my cross again. Such a wonderful Father!

Monday, November 9, 2009

A Thankful Heart

I am in such awe and admiration of our God right now! Today was just another day for most but for the McKinney family it was a day filled with miracles and proof that our God is a Mighty God! Stellan and his mom headed for Boston late last week to begin the process of a possible (but inevitable) heart surgery that was scheduled for tomorrow morning. After Sunday early afternoon, it was obvious this procedure would have to be done and soon. Today was an unimaginably hard day for both Stellan and his parents. His mom, Jennifer, sat and watched as he struggled to hold on and at one point flat lined. He was in need of a miracle. Tonight, God gave him that miracle. His doctors were faced with having to sacrifice a vital part of his heart that would have required a permanant pacemaker when one of them had a risky idea. They went with it and it worked!!!!
Stellan is SVT free!! He is beating in normal sinus rythm and did not need a pacemaker. Upon reading this news I cried! I cried and thanked God for the miraculous work He performed today and for letting His will be for Stellan to live. His dad has finally been able to make it to Boston to be with him and Jennifer after having struggles of his own at the airports. They are together and I am so thankful!

This news makes me so thankful for my family. For the overall health that we have. Thankful that God has taken care of Braedon this week as he had the swine flu and had an exceptionally high fever for several days. Thankful that so far, no one else has caught it. Thankful that his respiratory problems, while they sound bad, have not caused him to develop pneumonia. I am thankful.

I am also thankful to Jennifer, for her faith. I don't know how she does it but I want to have faith that strong. I love my Lord and feel very strong in my faith but I am encouraged by Jennifer's ability to let go and let God take control. She was able to let Him have Stellan, no matter what the outcome was to be and she was ok with that. Of course she wanted her baby back in her arms but she realized that God's plan may not be her plan. I have learned so much from her and through their struggles with Stellan's SVT, I have grown closer to God and strengthened my relationship with Him. Thank you Jennifer!

Last, I am thankful for my husband and the life he works so hard to provide for us. His job is not the best and the sacrifice he makes of not being home is often very hard. We are searching and waiting on God to bless us with a job that will allow Soapy to stay home with us. For now though, we are thankful for the time we do get together. I am thankful that God has helped us grow through A LOT of struggles in our marriage; without Him we would surely have ended in divorce. We have a lot of growing to do still and things that we need to work through, but thanks to our Heavenly Father, I know we will make it and come out stronger and closer than we could ever have imagined we would be.

So tonight, in honor of Stellan, I am thankful. I have a thankful heart for all of my blessings, all of my weaknesses that provide me an opportunity for growth, for all of my family and friends, and for my God. Without Him, none of this would be possible.

Goodnight! :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Hot and Healthy Through the Holidays

So, I have found this challenge through in her blog community and I think it's a great idea! Go to to find out how to sign up and participate. The idea is we are all encouraging and challenging each other through the New Year to get healthy and lose weight. Everyone will post on Tuesdays with their progress, will receive their weekly challenge from the administrators and on Thursdays there will be tips/ideas for how to make your goals a success.

So here it goes.

I have spent the last 11 months chasing my newborn son and 5 year old daughter. Braedon has had many health issues that caused me to be on a very strict diet in order to continue breast feeding. I have been so excited to see how God has used this time to help me lose weight. I have lost all my pregnancy weight and 35 pounds on top of that; a total of 75 pounds since Nov 24, 2008!!!!!

I still need to lose about 15-20 pounds and really need to tone more than anything at this point. I want to continue to breast feed but am having a lot of problems with my supply so I don't think I will be able to keep it up much longer. This scares me because then the temptations to eat freely will be back. Right now I can control what I eat for the sake of my son.

I want so much though to be able to end this year knowing I have completed my weight loss goal and all of it is behind me. I need motivation though. I need someone to push/challenge me; I am a VERY competitive person (in a healthy way). My husband travels a lot and I don't have a workout partner so I end up spending most of my workout time teaching dance and trying to take a class of my own here and there. I need someone I can check in to say, "Hey I went to the gym today!"  I LOVE TO WORKOUT and I LOVE the gym. I just need someone to help get me in the pattern of going.

I am excited that this group will give me the challenge and accountability to do this. Good luck everyone!!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Please pray for Stellan

Please pray for Stellan McKinney! He is going to be one tomorrow, October 29th. He is currently in PICU at Children's in Minneapolis, MN. He was taken there last night after going into SVT and not being able to correct himself. The night and day have been such a rollercoaster and have been VERY VERY serious.
He is such a precious and beautifully amazing child. Please send him and his family and the doctors all the prayers and warm wishes you can. They really need them right now.
To follow his story, please go to or click on the button at the bottom of my page.


Monday, October 26, 2009

Not Me Monday

So this week was pretty slow, but I can't help telling a few Not Me's myself.

Braedon is such an amazing child. He is really growing up! So much that he is pointing and starting to say more "words". We went to Walmart and so did not want to crawl under a shelf as he pointed at a woman and said, "Dog, dog!" My child would never say something embarrassing like that, they are always well mannered.

While walking through the same trip to Walmart Caileigh was recounting the latest Biggest Loser episode. We love to watch this show together. After talking about the show, she did not, very loudly proclaim that she would like to go to the Biggest Loser campus but that she doesn't want to be one of the fat people that go there. Wouldn't you know there were plus sized people shopping on the same isle.....I would NEVER allow my child to talk about something so sensitive. She would never make me want to just crawl into the freezer just to get away from some of the looks I was getting.

Last, I most certainly didn't let a 4 year old babysit my 11 mos old (in the next room) just so I could stay and take one dance class, one free hour to myself. Not Me!

Happy Not Me Monday everyone!!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Kids, the say the darndest things!

So yesterday I picked Caileigh up from school and took her to use her Starbucks gift card on a hot chocolate. Yes, you heard me right, my 5 year old daughter got a Starbucks gift card as a birthday present. She absolutely loves their hot chocolates and we are trying to explain the value of money management to her so she doesn't make the same mistakes we have made.

On the way to Starbucks:

C:Mom, can I get a snack too? I am hungry.

Me: Well honey, Mommy used our play money up the other day to get us a slushy. We have to wait until next week for more play money. Can you wait until we get home?

C:I guess, but then how are we buying the hot cocoa?

Me: With your gift card, you still have money on it.

C: Then can I use the rest of the money to buy a snack? Then we don't have to use our money! It's like free money!!!

Oh, if only it were that simple. :)

So after our drive thru at Starbucks we went to Mardels, a wonderful Christian store here. It's like Sams is to Walmart; Mardels seems to have an amazing selection over some other smaller stores. We like to go and sit in the childrens' area and look at all the new things. On our way out we saw a sight that interested and perplexed Caileigh.

C: Mom, look at those girls! They have pink stripes in their hair!!! That's weird.

M:Uh huh.

C:Mom, when I get older, like 10 can I put pink in my hair? Pink is one of my favorite colors.

M: (not wanting to start opening that issue) Well honey, lets see how things go when we get to that point. Okay?

C:Okay, what about doing it now? I could look like Lady Lovelylocks (yes, I had that book as a child and have passed it on to her)

M:Well, you need to ask your Daddy about that one. This is a pretty big thing so both Mommy and Daddy need to agree on it together or the answer is no.

C:Well I don't want to ask Daddy first. Let's do it and then tell him.

M:laughing-Nope you need to ask him first, those are the rules.

C: Well, I can just wait until I am older and then I can do it anyways.

Kids say the darndest things!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Letter to my Angel

You can skip over this post if you want. It was more or less a way for me to get my thoughts and feeling on "paper" and to have later as I look back on life. I just need to say it so maybe it will help resolve. If anyone reads this, please pray for me. I am having a hard time dealing with this and it makes me angry. I dont want to hurt over this anymore. I am so happy and blessed to have my two children, especially Braedon after all the miscarriages. That makes me angry that I cannot let it go when I have been blessed with these two beautiful children.

It's been two years since I had to say goodbye to you. I feel silly sometimes hurting so much over a baby I never held, you weren't even in my for that long. I never got to feel you kick or watch you suck your thumb. I heard your heartbeat though and for 12 weeks I knew you were mine!
But I was wrong; you weren't mine. You, just like all my children, are God's. He took you just like he took the others for reasons I don't understand.
I never wanted a big family but if I could have God grant a wish it would be to have all my children back. I think maybe that's why I wanted to get pregnant again and was upset about Daddy's surgery. I know it's not true but somehow I guess I feel like having another baby would bring you back or fill the  hole you left. I know now after having your brother that your spot can't be filled no matter how many babies I have.
I miss you, so much. It hurts still so bad. I hoped that hurt would go away but it doesn't. I remember my time with you like it just happened. I remember the details of what I wore, where we went, the doctors' appts, telling your sister, hearing your heartbeat, seeing you jump around, and not hearing your heartbeat.
I remember sitting there crying and how wonderful Caileigh was just hugging my foot. I remember calling your Daddy and driving 4 hours to go pick him up. I remember that morning signing permission for them to take you from me. I hated it! I wanted to keep you, forever. I cried and hurt; I still do.
I think about you all the time and wish I could have held you, even for a moment. Did you look like me? Did you have my button nose and your Daddy's eyes and smile? Was I to have another little girl like I suspect you were??
Why couldn't you stay? What job has God given you up there? Are you running and playing? Do you sing and help take care of the animals? Please tell the others I love them and miss them. Please watch out for these children down here hurting and sick. I pray God will let you watch over us too.
I love you and miss you so much but am so thankful I got a second chance at giving life to a child. Caileigh and Braedon are my world here and I am so lucky to have them. I love you and someday I will be able to hold you and see how beautiful God created you.

Love you!

Remember my Angel

Two years ago today Caileigh and I sat at the OB's office as they did a routine ultrasound and found there was not a heartbeat. Two years ago today I lay there on the examining table as he told me he was sorry and to take all the time I needed. Really? All the time I needed??? Well, I still need time. Is that fair? I sat there that day crying, wondering how I was going to call my husband and tell him while he was working out of town. How was I going to call my family and tell them that yet again, we had lost our baby. One thing I did not have to wonder was how I was going to tell Caileigh she would not be a big sister.
Caileigh sat there and she knew. She picked up that this time, there was not a rapid thumping resonating through the room. She knew when I started crying something was wrong. She so sweetly and innocently stood there, hugging my foot while I layed there and cried. She held me, my 3 year old held me. She was my rock that afternoon as we drove to another office for a second ultrasound to confirm what the first doctor found. They did and she sat quietly and patiently waiting.

The next couple days were the worst. It happened on a Friday so I had to wait until Monday morning to go in for a D & C. When I got there and started filling out the paperwork I had the hardest time. I couldn't do it. I had to sign a paper listing my procedure as an abortion. I LOST MY BABY! I wanted to scream at the lady behind the desk that I was not giving her away, I had lost her. My body wasn't letting her go, every part of me wanted that baby.

Later that Christmas season Caileigh needed me. She came and asked me why the baby had to die and why she could not be a big sister. She asked if she could be a baby in my tummy again so God could take her to heaven too to be a big sister. I wanted to die, I was torn for my sweet daughter who was obviously hurting more than I realized. I was hurting for that bond that she had with our unborn baby and the fact that our baby would not be able to know her big sister's love.

It still hurts and I am still torn. Caileigh drew a picture the other day of our family and included an angel baby with wings. She said that was her sister in heaven. We both have been having a hard time I guess this week. I sat down last week and wrote two songs (in progress mind you...they are nowhere near complete but I hope to make them that way soon) and a letter to my precious little Angel. I am hoping these will help heal the hurt that I thought I had come to grips with and accepted and had moved past. Do you ever move past this? Ihave accepted it, and I know some day I will see all 4 of my miscarried children there but will I ever not hurt over it?

Here are the two songs:

Angel of Mine
How could I know I would miss you this much?
I barely knew you but it was instant love the moment I met you.
You weren't even born but my love for you had grown far more than I knew.

I dreamt of your smile, your laugh, the sparkle in your eyes.
I imagined your first cry,
I saw your first steps,
They all play over in my mind.

Why did you have to go?
Your father and I miss you so.
I wonder what you'd have been like,
       my heart, his eyes.
I pray for you each night and day,
Wishing God didn't take you away.

Please know that we love you,
Your brother and sister too.
Sweet Angel of mine.

There's a song in my heart
That I know I've heard before.
It bekons me to call
On the Onw who knows my heart!

Lord, You are my hope, You are my strength.
You are the One who knows my pain.
Lord build me up, show me Your way.
Please take this pain away.

Don't let this define me,
But let it remind me of Your miraculous unfailing love.

Not Me Monday

I love Not Me Mondays, it allows me to air all my dirty laundry and join other women in the realization that contrary to how our week has gone, we are all great moms in spite of our mistakes! To read other NMM go to MckMama's blog at

So it was another week without my husband and I most certainly did not procrastinate in cleaning the house just because no one was here. I always have all laundry done, folded and neatly put away where it belongs before it has even cooled from the heat of the dryer. I never leave pots in the sink like I most certainly did not do this week washing by hand what I needed just so I don't have to empty the dishwasher.

I did not give Braedon a new box of Cherrios in the car while my dad and I fished Friday night just so he would stop screaming and give us more time to night fish! :) I did not use the back of my Tahoe as a playpin for the kids to confine them to one space since it was 30 degrees outside.

I did not go 4 days without a shower just because I used Braedon's nap times to take a nap myself or chat with friends online. Taking one at night or setting my alarm to get up that much earlier in the morning wasn't an option. :)

Lastly, I didn't drive around today for two hours looking for errands to run just becuase it was the first time Braedon has slept soundly and I had a moments peace and quiet.

There, I feel better! :)

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Still Awake

Tomorrow marks 2 years since I lost my last miscarriage. I am still awake. I can't sleep. I haven't slept all week because for some reason my mind is fixed on this date, on this memory and I am greatly burdened. I am conflicted because I don't feel I should be so sad.  I have two wonderful and beautiful children. God has blessed be before and after this loss with a precious child. I don't feel I have the right to be sad that I am missing out on this child but, I am sad.
I have had 4 miscarriages but out of them all, this one has stayed with me. I remember the exact date I realized I was pregnant, the exact date I found out there was no heartbeat and the day I had to rid my body of my lifeless baby. I remember every moment of the last two days as though it happened yesterday and I hate that. I don't want to remember. Not the pain, not the loss, not the humiliation as I walked into church and saw all my pregnant friends and had people talk about my pregnant belly. I felt LOST, EMPTY, BARREN, SAD. I wanted to run away. I wanted to hide and sometimes I still do.
If it wasn't for Caileigh sitting there with me as the doctor told me what I had already seen on the ultrasound screen, there was no heartbeat, my baby was dead, I don't know what I would have done. She sat and hugged my foot as I cried. She sat and hugged me as we waited for the second ultrasound. She cuddled me that night and all weekend as I sat and thought about what was to come Monday.
Monday came and I hated it. I had to sign my name to a paper that labeled my D/C as a result of an abortion. I layed there in the bed and waited for the doctor and the anesthesiologist to come and begin. They came in and tried to be very nice about explaining the procedure. I was given the anesthetics and began to cry as I knew it would all be over with in a short while. I remember telling Soapy, "I am so sorry." My first words as I came out of the anesthesia was, "I lost my baby, I don't have it any more. I am so sorry." And those are the words that I have heard every day this week.
I am still awake hearing these words. I can't sleep. I wish I didn't have to remember this. I don't want to forget my baby and have the ultrasound picture with me and an ornament that I bought after the loss. It doesn't take the place of having that child in my arms right now.
I fear letting my son grow up, either one of my kids to get too far away from me. I don't want to lose them. I know they are in God's hands and He is taking care of them and their future. It is up to Him as to how they live their lives. I find myself still wanting more children and I think part of that reason (not all because I have been able to sort my thoughts) is due to wanting to fill that hole.  I think a small part of me feels that if I can have another one it will make the pain go away but it won't. No child can take that baby's place.
I miss my baby. I know God has a hand in every part ofmy life and there is a reason why that child did not live here on earth. I know some day I will be able to meet this child along with the other three in Heaven.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Angels in Heaven

Today has been a wonderful day but also a distracting one too. Today was Caileigh's first field trip to the pumpkin patch (pictures to come this weekend). I was able to go along as a dear friend of mine volunteered to watch Braedon all day! It was so refreshing to see her so happy and full of life. She was so excited to be out playing with friends and trying things that normally she would have past up out of fear. It was so rewarding to see. I was so blessed to be able to witness that and share in the fun. We picked pumpkins, took hay rides, went through mazes, pet animals and go down hay slides. Such a wonderful day.
Even though it was a wonderful day full of positive uplifting moments I was distracted and melancholy. Today is Pregnancy Infant Loss Day, as is the whole month as a rememberance and awareness month. This past week has been extremely emotional for me for some reason. I have had my Angel on my mind a lot. I sat down last night and wrote a letter and two "songs" (they are a work in progress and once finished I will post them). I cried as I wrote it and then sat and cried some more. I miss "her" so much! It will be two years since we found there was no longer a heartbeat and I had a D&C performed next week. It still kills me. I don't want it to be true. The words of "abortion" still run through my head, these were the terms used to describe the reason for my D&C (even though it was NOT an abortion, there was no longer a heartbeat and it was the hardest thing for me to do).
I have accepted that God has taken my little Angel, and my other three babies to Heaven and that some day (prayerfully many many years down the road) I will be able to meet them face to face. It is still hard though. To wonder what they would look like, what type of personality would they have, what things would they like, what are there favorite foods/colors/games to play.
I think this is why maybe I want more children. I think part of me is trying to convince myself that more children would fill that void, that pain, that hurt. It won't. I don't want to the baby phase to be over, I am not ready but I have to be ready.
I think that is why I am having such a hard time letting go of Caileigh (I am still having a hard time with her in school, though I don't show it to her) and why Braedon's closely approaching birthday has my stomach in knots. I am not ready for him to grow up yet; he can't.
I can rest knowing God is taking care of them (and us). I know He has a purpose for these babies and for me. I know He will help use me in service to Him in this area of struggle and pain. I pray that as that day comes and I am able to realize a call to service that He grants me the correct words and timing.
I pray tonight for all the women who have lost their children. I feel guilty beign so sad when I know there are women that have to give up their baby days, weeks, years after their birth. I have only had to do it while pregnant; it still hurts though .
I miss you Angel but I am so glad that you are in Heaven sitting with your Dennie and Grandpa Shelton watching us and helping to protect us.

Love forever,

Monday, October 12, 2009

Not Me Monday!

So as a mom, there are plenty of times we all do things that under normal circumstances we would NEVER do! Even if we did do those things we would never admit to the fact that we don't have it all together all the time! Definitely NOT ME!
Today is Monday and a blog friend of mine, MckMama, holds a "Not Me Monday" at Each week she confesses to things that have "Not" happened over the past week. Each week she invites her readers to blog/post/comment about the same things in their own lives. It's a fun way for us all to confess, be authentic and real and just be moms. Moms that don't have it all together and realize that in the bigger picture of God's greatness, THAT'S OK! :)

So here is my "Not Me Monday":
This has been an eventful, put it in the record books kind of week for everything that could go wrong would go wrong. My children most certainly did not come down sick the day after my husband and parents left town for work and vacation respectively. I did not in a matter of three days visit the pediatrician with them 3 times and call atleast 6 more times.I am always composed and confident in my childcare. I did not ask what could get worse as my daughter came down with a sinus infection, pink eye and shingles all in two days. I am always well dressed and coifed before leaving my house so I would never leave and go to the doctors or the store with all three of us in pajamas. Not me!

I did not contemplate for a minute that putting my son and daughter together at that moment would be a great idea so he would go ahead and get it all and be over with; not me. I definitely did not camp out downstairs in the basement with the kids pretending that the rest of the house didn't exist and therefor did not have to be cleaned. I did not leave all the cleaning until two hours before my parents came home. My house is always prepared for the "white glove" test.
I did not pretend to be sleeping when both kids woke up and wanted to be up just so they would finally go back to sleep so I could get another hour of sleep too. Not me!
I did not after calling to ask the doctor about how shingles spread from one body part to another have to call BACK because my son flipped himself out of his high chair and fell on the tile floor head first. Not me! I did not proceed to let him t-p the house just to keep him entertained while I watched for signs of a concussion.
Last but not least, I did not pour water on my daughter's cereal because the milk had gone bad and I had absolutely nothing left in me to load them up and go to the store to buy more.

There! That was my week in a VERY abbreviated caption! There were so many more things that NEVER happen in my life, I needed to start a log in order to remember them all! It was definitely not a week I care to repeat and many of the happenings definitely did not happen becuase that just is not me! I always stay calm, never neglect my house cleaning and always know how to take care of my children's illnesses! Good luck this week everyone and I am sure I will have more to share next week!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I should be going to bed but I want to thank everyone who is praying for my kids to get better. We have had a crazy crazy week. Braedon has been on new antibiotics and still the albuterol. It seems to have cleared up the weezing. Over the weekend Caileigh broke out with pink eye in both eyes! I discovered Monday this was due to a total block of her sinuses. I felt so bad. I was passing her symptons off as a cold, poor thing has been miserable. Yesterday she popped up with spots on her back and chest that the nurse over the phone tonight thinks may be shingles. So we are headed back to the doctor tomorrow morning to have that looked at.
The blessings out of this: the pink eye was not contagious so I don't have to worry about Braedon or myself getting it. Both kids are responding well to the antibiotics. I think both are slowly starting to come out of the infections. I hope!
I am also blessed with renewed strength and hope in our finances. I sat and talked with a dear friend tonight on the phone and she reminded me that God is alway there and will help us when we ask Him to. I have asked and pleaded for his help. She reminded me to be patient and realize that God's timing is totally different than mine. I need to be faithful to Him and continue to be a Proverbs 31 wife to my husband and give it ALL up to God. I have to let my husband feel led by God and in the right moment (which she reminded me may not be until the last minute, right before the deadline) He will lead us out of our struggles. All I have to do is continue to live my life for Him and show His love to others. THAT'S IT!!! :)

So while I have no realy answers I can find peace in knowing that I am following Him and the budget that we have for our family. Living by example is a powerful thing and so is prayer. Between those two efforts I can't lose and soon my husband and I will be on the same page!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Long day

So the last couple days have been very overwhelming. It seems that our house has been totally infected with whatever this cold is that has been going around. I thought it was just allergies, and the doctor says it may have begun that way...but add teething and not being able to blow a baby's nose and you have a much bigger problem.
I took Braedon to the doctor yesterday after he spent Wednesday night coughing and crying all night long. It seems we still have the ear infection (in both ears now so we are on a stronger antibiotic) and he is weezing. They have put him on Albuterol and are considering starting breathing treatments if this doesn't work.
I am tired and nervous that his cough is really settling into his chest. Please pray that he gets better soon and that I can also get better. There are a ton of cases of swine flu popping up here and I am nervous with his health like it is right now that only makes him more susceptable to the flu.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Mommy's Little Man

My little man turned 10 months last week, I don't know where this year has gone! It seems like yesterday that I was pregnant and waiting for his coming. He is sporting two teeth...for now but we are waiting on the edge of our seats for the top four that are just itching to break through. His biggest feature that just gets me is his smile and his blue blue eyes.

And that smile! What am I to do with that?!!?! I love him to pieces and he is Mommy's little man. Enjoy!

My baby girl!....My BIG girl

My Monkey girl, I can't believe she is in Kindergarten and turned 5 all in the same week! Time has gone by too fast! She is reading and writing and spelling and in her words, " Mom, I am a big girl, I'm 5 now". When did she get so big? Who said she could do that??? She may be five but she will always be my baby girl! Love you Caileigh!

Many Blessings

I am a little sad today. I hate that I am so weepy today, I have so many blessings in my life but today I am sad. Sunday the kids and I took Soapy to the airport so he could go to Chicago for training for work. He just isn't home enough you know? We are praying and searching for a way to change this. It is getting harder on Caileigh to have him gone and to watch him leave. She cried nearly halfway home which was a 1 1/2 hour drive. How much longer can we do this? It is affecting our whole family, individually and between the two of us. It's just exhausting.
I got a call on the way home from my brother in law. Soapy's other brother, Chad, his wife got a call yesterday that her father had a massive heart attack. He only lives a few minutes from Soapy's parents and his mom was there with him when they took him to the hospital. Amanda was set to fly out from Florida that afternoon,to arrive later that evening when she and Chad got the news that her father didn't make it. They then cancelled her ticket and Chad drove her home to Texas. I feel horrible for her. She doesn't really have any other family. I wish so much we could be there to support her but I can't take Caileigh out of school again and we really can't afford to make that trip again right now either. She is 25, she should not be burrying her father so soon. Please pray for them.
This reminds me of the many blessings I have. I am lucky my father's heart attack did not turn out the same way. I am lucky he is still here with us. I am blessed to have my husband, even though things right now are very stressful. I know this will not last forever and I pray God gives us clarity and answers on how to eliminate all avenues of stress.
I am blessed to have both of my children. I can't think of how I would feel to not have Caileigh or Braedon in my life. They both bring such love and joy to my life. It saddens me to think of the 4 precious babies I cannot hold but I rest in the peace and joy of knowing my God is holding them and caring for them. That one day I will be blessed to meet them in heaven and see how beautiful they are.
As soon as I can I will post some pictures of my two beautiful children. Have a wonderful day and may God show you the many blessings in your life today.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Snowflakes keep falling on my head...

Yes, the last official day of summer, Colorado spent it in snow and very cold, windy temperatures. Here in the southern front range it was in the mid 30's and snowing on and off all....all....all day. I am not ready for this.
I am a Carolina girl all the way. I was born there, spent most of my childhood there and returned there for college. I never wanted to leave there. God saw fit for me to leave and direct me down a different path. I pray it is only for a season because my bones definitely enjoy the warmer weather.
I am not ready to be required to start the car and let it warm up before I put my baby in the car (though I NEVER start my car and sit just inside the nice warm house and let the car warm just don't do that...not me). I am not ready to need 10 extra minutes in the morning just to get the coats on and zipped up and look for hats, gloves, boots if applicable. The extra clothing and blankets just to keep them warm is ridiculous. Not to mention the extra driving time it takes as people panic at the words "ice, frost, fog, snow...chance of flurries". That right there automatically mandates and extra 20 minutes be worked into most commutes through town.
Gone are the days of procrastinating in leaving the house to pick my daughter up from school or walk her there in the morning. I now am going to have to find a new routine so she isn't tardy as she was today (I never would allow her to be tardy just because I was too cold and completely understood why she didn't want to get up and get ready). A routine that unfortunately is probably going to cut out or walks to and from school because it is just too cold to walk the baby there and back.
I love the snow, don't get me wrong. The way it falls on the mountains and blankets the trees early in the morning. It is such a beautiful site. I love how a good snow makes the whole world seem to stand still in utter silence and peace. It's a winter wonderland. I love that our daughter found last year that sledding is a fun thing and throwing snowballs at Daddy and the dogs is a wonderfully amusing game. I love most of all how when it snows there is a section of the Peak that resembles a figure resembling Jesus praying on the mtn. It is such a peaceful thing to watch and I look forward to seeing it every year and am sad when you no longer have the image highlighted by the snow.
I do love fall though! The mildly cool temperatures that warrant a long sleeved t-shirt or sweatshirt but not the whole coat and gloves bit. I love the fall colors through the leaves and the way the wind rustles them so methodically it could lull me to sleep. I love that fall is football season and my husband like to sit and watch the games together or via the phone if he's traveling. We have Never sat on the phone quietly for three hours watching a sporting event, that would not be a good use of time or conversation. DEFINITELY not a good way to spend our phone minutes. I love the thoughts of being thankful for the blessings in our lives that comes with Thanksgiving and now, the memory of my son being born the week of Thanksgiving. I love the pumpkin patch, the pumpkin spice lattes/bagels/cream cheese/rolls/really anything pumpkin. I love raking up the leaves into a big huge pile and then jumping in them to spread them everywhere, even though it took me forever to get them into a nice, neat pile.
But today was definitely not the last day of summer, nor was it the beginning feelings of fall. It was a taste of winter. Mother nature not only blessed me with that wonderful gift that seems to vanish during pregnancy and most of nursing but also with a tast of what is to come in the next few months.
All in all it was ok. I picked Monkey up from school and we headed straight to Starbucks so she could use her birthday card to get a hot cocoa..I had to get something so she didn't feel left out. We discussed her classwork, realized she has been nominated and elected to receive a prestigious award at school next Monday (for which we are still uncertain but will find out that morning), reviewed her excelling aptitude test scores and read her library book. It has been a good day.

PS-Please pray for my son though. I take him to the doctor tomorrow for a fever and respiratory complications he has been having the last couple of days. I am sure it's just his teeth coming through but prayers can't hurt!

Friday, September 18, 2009


Have you ever had one of those days where you woke up and were just filled with giddy excitement at the possibilities of life? I have had that feeling the last two days and I love it! I have been so excited and feel renewed to know that God is planning something tremendous for my future and my family's future!
Things have been particularly stressful this past year and recently seem to be more challenging. I awoke yesterday to feel this burden suddenly lifted from my chest. I could BREATHE easier and smile more freely. I have no real reason to feel this way or think that great things are right around the corner. I just KNOW that God is giving me peace, as if to say, "My child, I am taking care of this and taking care of you. Just rest." I have yerned to feel this way for a while but have not actually been able to feel this. I have worried too much about the "what ifs" to each decision.
I realized the other night as I suddenly woke up and sat up in bed. It was as if God woke me up to make sure I was aware that I don't have to have all the answers to each detail to my path, my calling, my future. I explained to my husband that we don't need to know how each thing is going to be worked out, we don't even have to decide which direction to go. If we can prepare, do the leg work to make each path possible, then God can take what we have done and direct us down HIS calling for us.
In the past we have "felt" like we knew which way to go and persued only that direction. We weren't sure that is where God wanted us to be but we thought it might be (which really means, it was a direction we had personal gains in and pushed ourselves that way). Instead of putting forth effort to make connections or fill out applications to different jobs in different areas, etc, we would stray away from paths that we didn't want to travel, places we maybe didn't want to live in or jobs we didn't want to apply for becuase of the risk of it not being the right thing. I finally realized we need to apply for those jobs, make connections with people even if they are connected to a company we may not think we want to work with right now.
You never know what may be down the road. God does know though and that is all that matters. All he asks us to do is to try and do our best and let Him take control of our direction.
So while I may not want to move to Texas right now because it would mean leaving teaching and Monkey would have to leave her dance class, it may be the path God has for us to get our life back on track. Or, He may want Soapy to apply outside the railroad here, in Texas and back on the east coast where we both would like to be. Who knows! I am glad God does and I don't have to worry about the what ifs. I just have to put forth some work to make each path possible and then see which way God opens for us to go.

It is such a blessing to me that I have been able to give this over to Him. I am sure that doesn't mean I won't need help remembering this later but that's what a blog is for! I can come back and read this when I am needing the motivation to give up my control-freak first born identity and let God take control.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A New Day of Possibilities

Yesterday was very frustrating but a night of sleep (or atleast a night...don't know how much sleep Little Man let me have) gave me a fresh start. I am taking the kids and heading to Texas to fix our house. It is going to cost a good amount of money and that is something we don't really have but it has to be done. So I am putting it in God's hands, jumping forward and making a move so He can show us how He's going to use it to bless us.
I went and looked at carpet and wood flooring today, got some estimates and called a recommended contractor to see what he would charge to help do the labor. So we will see.
Braedon is doing better today. His staph infection has seemed to get better over night and the new spot hasn't gotten any worse. There's a blessing. He woke up at 5am this morning and after trying to get him to sleep (and failing) we snuggled in bed. I love those moments. It was quiet and he layed his head down on my chest and dozed in and out. I can't get enough of those moments!!
Please pray for my mother in law and a friend's dad. My MIL is having problems with her memory and losing her balance lately. I found out this morning about this and that this coming Thursday she is having a memory test and second MRI. It might be a God thing that we are going down there to visit this week and working on the house. My friend's dad had a massive heart attack yesterday. He is on machines in ICU. They have put in one stint and need to repair two more places but can't right now without putting him into another attack. My friend is in the Navy and doesn't know yet what has happened. THey are waiting to tell him until they get closer in so as not to distract him. Please pray that God keeps his dad strong until he can make it back in to be with him.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

God's Way..AKA--Now what?

So it is true that my ways are not His ways....have you ever had a moment when you wished he would just tell you what His way is so you can get on with it already???? Last week we thought we were moving back to Texas, just in time for our house that we own there to become vacant again. Soapy has needed to bid on a new position with the railroad and he decided it only made sense for us to go back to our house...where we have a place to live....where we can be a little better financially...where Soapy and my Dad can both be a little less stressed. APPARENTLY that is not God's plan. Three days before we thought we would be looking at packing up and moving, Soapy got word that he will not be able to move back there right now. what??? Now we have a vacant house that is in need of some major repairs due to tennant damages. Now Soapy is floating around from vacant position to another waiting for a permamnt position to come available somewhere. Now my parents are faced with bringing my grandmother back to live with them and hiring a nurse to come in and care for her (thus meaning they really need us out of the house so they can put her in the bottom floor).

Lord?! Can't you give me some answers??? Now what are we supposed to do?? I need to help financially but cannot put Little Man in daycare right now. We need a place to live but cannot afford rent, we can barely make the bills we have. Lord I need some sleep, I need some rest, I need some peace. We are trying to live by you and do Your will....we just feel so lost.

Lord?!! I am here, please guide me and use me! I need to feel Your presence!!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

First Week down!

So Monkey's first week of school is almost over! She has really had a great time and I am amazed at what she has learned in only two days. It is so wonderful and exciting to see her growing up and making friends, it's also sad to know she's growing up and won't be Mommy's little girl as she once was. It's all part of life though!

So is our future endevors. This time next week we will know where we will be living and where Soapy will be working. Today was especially hard for me to come to grips with the fact that the outcome of his bidding process at work is going to take us back to Texas. We cleaned out the storage shed today. I know that doesn't sound exciting or traumatic but it was in a way. I had to go through things of Monkeys that she is no longer interested in or newborn and maternity clothes that I will never be able to use again. I got a call from my dance instructor about meeting to go over the next semester of dance at the studio. I teach for her and she really does not want me to leave.
I am realizing that I am two weeks away from a major change and I don't do well as major changes approach. My dad tonight gave me a hug and kiss and all I could think to do after that was sit down at his piano and just "touch" the keys. I didn't play them, no I just sat and ran my fingers across the smooth, worn keys that my dad, grandfather and great grandmother once played. It allowed me to be close to them all and I am truly afraid to leave my dad for fear of another heart attack hitting him. We had such plans of how to make up for lost time in our relationship. We tried and I have to say we are closer and got to do special things between the two of us that I will cherish but there just doesn't seem to be enough time. There are too many things that I wanted to do with him, that I wanted to do with my mom, that I wanted my husband and I to do with the kids here. I am not ready to leave. I am not ready for the increased stress that awaits us once we move.

I am just not ready for any of this, the move, leaving my family again, moving back to more stress and I most certainly am not ready for my daughter to turn 5 and be in school or my son to nearly approach his 9 month mark next week. I am just not ready, but I know God will help me get through it and be ready as long as I stay focused on Him. Please let me stay focused on You!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

School Days

School days, School days.....Well I am about to embark on a new journey with my daughter. Next Tuesday she starts KINDERGARDEN!!!!!!! I can't believe it! Since when did she get to be 5? When did I tell her she was allowed to grow up and start school. I told my husband as we shopped for school clothes that before we knew it we would be shopping for the undergarments that were hanging next to us. He was not happy.
I took Monkey to the school this morning to see if we could meet her teacher. They don't have her class assignment yet but we were able to see the front office and I left a number and message for the school councelor to discuss her anxiety. She walked away pretty excited though. She found the nurses station (just like I told her there would know, in the event she needs a bandaid). We also found out that...wait for it........wait for it.......... WAIT FOR IT..............

I know this is probably not a huge headline but for a mom and daughter that have been seperated very little in her life, this was great news to both of us. She was relieved that her first day she won't be alone and I was relieved that her first day I would not be all alone without her. Plus, it's only 2 hours the first day, 4 hours the second day and then after that she is full time....6 1/2 hours!!!
I think this will be a great transition time for us. It will also save me from buying every lunch box item I can find at the grocery store just to make going to school fun and loaded with surprises during the day....I went a little overboard. Oh well!

So, we will make it through this new adventure. I will more than likely find a few new grey hairs and hold onto her a little longer while we snuggle and read her Princess Devotion book. Gone are the days of complete innosense and carefree little girl is growing up. :)

Monday, August 10, 2009

Not Me Monday"/>

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

So this has been an eventful week! It did not begin with me trying...scratch that...desperately attempting to get an adjustment at my chiropractors with my eighth month old sitting on my stomach. I did not feed him puff cereal throughout the time I was there just to keep him from screaming.

I did not later in the week use baby wipes to bathe me and my two precious children because I was too tired to bend over the side of the bathtub and try to convince my son that eating bubbles really is not a good idea.

I most certainly did not let my son crawl around the public park in his birthday suit because we ran out of diapers and didn't have the heart to tell my daughter we had to leave. I certainly did not watch him as he pulled grass out of the ground and stick it in his mouth....and not do anything about it because he was happy. Above all I did not let my daughter take off her socks and shoes and run around the duck pond all over the duck feces or use her tennis shoes to scoop up sand and throw it all over the merry-go-round. I always keep my children clean, freshly dressed and pressed, never to I let them behave like this....NOT ME!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

He is SO Wonderful

God is so amazing! Yesterday Stellan went home; a week ago the doctors weren't sure how to reverse what looked like a very serious situation, the family had been called in and my heart broke for him and his family. Not only was his recovery so miraculous, but I am so in awe at how God works to bring people together. I know my eyes were opened.

I have been praying, not quite as faithfully as I should or want to, but I have been praying. I have prayed that God would direct me to His path for me. Not for my family or for my husband or for us together, but for MY calling. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mom and being able to stay at home with my children teaching them and loving on them but I have still felt incomplete. I have a feeling of emptiness inside my heart that I know is meant to be filled by God. My dad and I were doing a bible study and the subject of his study said that he knew at the end of his life that he had nothing left to give, nothing left to do for the Lord. He knew that he had followed God's calling for him and had reached out whenever he had an opportunity and touched others with God's love. I WANT THAT!!!!!! I want to know at the end of my life that I have done everything I could for God. That I resembled Him to others.

I have been searching for how to serve God. I love children and want to help with them. Through Stellan's story I have decided to volunteer at the Children's Hospital and the NICU here in town. Our family has been touched by both of these places and I want to give back to them. I am also searching out ways to help with women who have suffered miscarriages and also how to help with adoption agencies or orphanages.

As this past week progressed I saw how many people were praying for Stellan and his family. I saw how his journey spurred me to become more faithful in my time with God. I look forward to my time with Him, reading, praying, just sitting quietly. It's been great and I have been amazed at how many people God touched through Stellan's struggles this week.

He is truly truly wonderful!!!!!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Please pray for Stellan. He is a little boy that is nearly the same age as Breadon. He is adorable and is having major health problems. He was born with heart problems and up until now they have been able to control it with meds but as of late they don't want to work anymore. He went in Friday to start a new drug, have it adjusted and monitored and then would be sent home. He has not done well AT ALL. He is hanging in there but he's had a heart rate near 220 since Friday. His body is fighting so hard but he needs some miraculous help. Please pray for him, his family and his mom, MckMama. She is amazing but is human and needs God's unshakable strength. Their site is and she's also on Twitter under MckMama.

Monday, July 6, 2009

So this past three weeks has gone by so quickly and I feel horrible for not blogging about it but a computer was not coming on the beach with me! :)

We took a big family vacation out to Charleston, SC and down to see some friends in Georgia. We left on June 16th and didn't come back until June 29th. It was a blast! The kids absolutely loved the ocean and playing in the sand. Braedon certainly did not eat two fist fulls of sand and Caileigh did not enjoy chasing the crabs around the beach (because secretly if she didn't chase them she feared they would chase her). Mom and Dad rented a beach villa and we overlooked the Ise Of Palms sand and it was so beautiful! My sister and her husband live not too far from where we stayed so they came out early in the morning with their dog Oscar to play on the beach and after work to play with us in the water.

The first week, I flew out with the kids on my own and we went to Georgia to visit some friends of ours that we had made while in the Navy. Their kids are the same age as our two so the four of them had a blast playing together and we enjoyed catching up. It has been way too long!

June 20th I headed back to Charleston with the kiddos to pick Soapy up from the airport. We all headed to the beach and got settled in. We took the first night out and went to a local Mexican restaurant and relaxed out on the porch listening to the waves. We went to Seacoast church, one of the most amazing churches we have ever been a part of. We used to be members there when we lived in Charleston and couldn't wait to go back and see how much it has grown. For anyone interested, the website is . Among many reasons we would LOVE to move back is for that church. Caileigh has so much fun in the Kidscoast and hated to leave.

We spent the days on the beach, swimming in the pool, walking around downtown around the Market and the Battery.

Wednesday Soapy, me and the kids headed back down to Georgia so Soapy could spend some time with our friends. We took the night and went to Jacksonville and walked the Landing downtown. We took the ferry boat around the harbor and the kids really had fun with that. That night the kids played until the passed out, the babies slept and the older boys played video games until 4:30am! What did the girls do??? We crashed eventually with the babies in the master bed, we couldn't hang with the boys any longer!!

Thursday we said our goodbyes, sadly, and went back to Charleston. It was great to be with old friends that are just like family but we also wanted to have more time in Charleston. That night Soapy finished his school finals, for another term of 4.0!!!! Way to go Honey!!!

The last few days of our trip flew by and we hated to leave but our puppies and kitties missed us and work doesn't wait! Through prayer and patiently waiting on God, we pray he reveals a way for us to comfortably move back to Charleston some time in our lives.

Since getting back we have been packed full of me teaching dance, Soapy working and the kids getting shots for school and Braedon's sixth month shots. No fun for the kids or me, I hate when they cry.

On a positive note, Breadon started crawling June 30th! June 29th I found him sitting in his crib, that is the first time he has pushed himself up, June 30th he started crawling through the living room and July 1st I found him standing up holding onto the side of his crib! Time to break out the child gates and outlet covers!!!!

On a prayerful note, please pray for my family. My grandparents are in alot of pain and each are struggling with different physical ailments from back and knee problems to cancer and back surgeries. They are each looking at needing surgeries and the doctors aren't sure if they will make it through the procedures and to be honest they are wanting it to just be over, even if that means dying. My mom is trying to care for them and is emotionally torn and exhuasted. Also, a little boy that I have been following, Stellan, is having more problems with his heart. You can follow his story on but he is the same age as Braedon. His mom has a wonderful blog about their family and Stellan's progression. His heart though is needing a lot of prayers of heeling. He is definitely going to need another surgery which will most likely end in a pacemaker being put in. Right now they are trying to keep him stable with meds and it is hard on his body and not working all the time. Please pray for him and his family. One more prayer and then I will stop asking for prayers...please pray for us. Soapy is reaching his two year mark with the railroad in two weeks. He has to bid on a new position by the 17th of July. We aren't sure where to go. Our house in Texas is still not rented or sold. We are going to try putting it back up for sale but we don't know where God is calling us. We can't stay here without the house being taken care of because we cannot pay for a mortgage and rent. We really want to move back to the coast, ideally Charleston area but we cannot do that until he has his degree and the house is sold. Please pray that God would show us a light to our path and gives us the discernment to make the right decisions.
Well, I think that is it for now!!!!! As soon as I can find my camera chord I will post some wonderful pictures of the trip and recent happenings of the kiddos.

Love you and God bless!!!!