Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Mommy's Little Man

My little man turned 10 months last week, I don't know where this year has gone! It seems like yesterday that I was pregnant and waiting for his coming. He is sporting two teeth...for now but we are waiting on the edge of our seats for the top four that are just itching to break through. His biggest feature that just gets me is his smile and his blue blue eyes.

And that smile! What am I to do with that?!!?! I love him to pieces and he is Mommy's little man. Enjoy!

My baby girl!....My BIG girl

My Monkey girl, I can't believe she is in Kindergarten and turned 5 all in the same week! Time has gone by too fast! She is reading and writing and spelling and in her words, " Mom, I am a big girl, I'm 5 now". When did she get so big? Who said she could do that??? She may be five but she will always be my baby girl! Love you Caileigh!

Many Blessings

I am a little sad today. I hate that I am so weepy today, I have so many blessings in my life but today I am sad. Sunday the kids and I took Soapy to the airport so he could go to Chicago for training for work. He just isn't home enough you know? We are praying and searching for a way to change this. It is getting harder on Caileigh to have him gone and to watch him leave. She cried nearly halfway home which was a 1 1/2 hour drive. How much longer can we do this? It is affecting our whole family, individually and between the two of us. It's just exhausting.
I got a call on the way home from my brother in law. Soapy's other brother, Chad, his wife got a call yesterday that her father had a massive heart attack. He only lives a few minutes from Soapy's parents and his mom was there with him when they took him to the hospital. Amanda was set to fly out from Florida that afternoon,to arrive later that evening when she and Chad got the news that her father didn't make it. They then cancelled her ticket and Chad drove her home to Texas. I feel horrible for her. She doesn't really have any other family. I wish so much we could be there to support her but I can't take Caileigh out of school again and we really can't afford to make that trip again right now either. She is 25, she should not be burrying her father so soon. Please pray for them.
This reminds me of the many blessings I have. I am lucky my father's heart attack did not turn out the same way. I am lucky he is still here with us. I am blessed to have my husband, even though things right now are very stressful. I know this will not last forever and I pray God gives us clarity and answers on how to eliminate all avenues of stress.
I am blessed to have both of my children. I can't think of how I would feel to not have Caileigh or Braedon in my life. They both bring such love and joy to my life. It saddens me to think of the 4 precious babies I cannot hold but I rest in the peace and joy of knowing my God is holding them and caring for them. That one day I will be blessed to meet them in heaven and see how beautiful they are.
As soon as I can I will post some pictures of my two beautiful children. Have a wonderful day and may God show you the many blessings in your life today.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Snowflakes keep falling on my head...

Yes, the last official day of summer, Colorado spent it in snow and very cold, windy temperatures. Here in the southern front range it was in the mid 30's and snowing on and off all....all....all day. I am not ready for this.
I am a Carolina girl all the way. I was born there, spent most of my childhood there and returned there for college. I never wanted to leave there. God saw fit for me to leave and direct me down a different path. I pray it is only for a season because my bones definitely enjoy the warmer weather.
I am not ready to be required to start the car and let it warm up before I put my baby in the car (though I NEVER start my car and sit just inside the nice warm house and let the car warm up....you just don't do that...not me). I am not ready to need 10 extra minutes in the morning just to get the coats on and zipped up and look for hats, gloves, boots if applicable. The extra clothing and blankets just to keep them warm is ridiculous. Not to mention the extra driving time it takes as people panic at the words "ice, frost, fog, snow...chance of flurries". That right there automatically mandates and extra 20 minutes be worked into most commutes through town.
Gone are the days of procrastinating in leaving the house to pick my daughter up from school or walk her there in the morning. I now am going to have to find a new routine so she isn't tardy as she was today (I never would allow her to be tardy just because I was too cold and completely understood why she didn't want to get up and get ready). A routine that unfortunately is probably going to cut out or walks to and from school because it is just too cold to walk the baby there and back.
I love the snow, don't get me wrong. The way it falls on the mountains and blankets the trees early in the morning. It is such a beautiful site. I love how a good snow makes the whole world seem to stand still in utter silence and peace. It's a winter wonderland. I love that our daughter found last year that sledding is a fun thing and throwing snowballs at Daddy and the dogs is a wonderfully amusing game. I love most of all how when it snows there is a section of the Peak that resembles a figure resembling Jesus praying on the mtn. It is such a peaceful thing to watch and I look forward to seeing it every year and am sad when you no longer have the image highlighted by the snow.
I do love fall though! The mildly cool temperatures that warrant a long sleeved t-shirt or sweatshirt but not the whole coat and gloves bit. I love the fall colors through the leaves and the way the wind rustles them so methodically it could lull me to sleep. I love that fall is football season and my husband like to sit and watch the games together or via the phone if he's traveling. We have Never sat on the phone quietly for three hours watching a sporting event, that would not be a good use of time or conversation. DEFINITELY not a good way to spend our phone minutes. I love the thoughts of being thankful for the blessings in our lives that comes with Thanksgiving and now, the memory of my son being born the week of Thanksgiving. I love the pumpkin patch, the pumpkin spice lattes/bagels/cream cheese/rolls/really anything pumpkin. I love raking up the leaves into a big huge pile and then jumping in them to spread them everywhere, even though it took me forever to get them into a nice, neat pile.
But today was definitely not the last day of summer, nor was it the beginning feelings of fall. It was a taste of winter. Mother nature not only blessed me with that wonderful gift that seems to vanish during pregnancy and most of nursing but also with a tast of what is to come in the next few months.
All in all it was ok. I picked Monkey up from school and we headed straight to Starbucks so she could use her birthday card to get a hot cocoa..I had to get something so she didn't feel left out. We discussed her classwork, realized she has been nominated and elected to receive a prestigious award at school next Monday (for which we are still uncertain but will find out that morning), reviewed her excelling aptitude test scores and read her library book. It has been a good day.

PS-Please pray for my son though. I take him to the doctor tomorrow for a fever and respiratory complications he has been having the last couple of days. I am sure it's just his teeth coming through but prayers can't hurt!

Friday, September 18, 2009


Have you ever had one of those days where you woke up and were just filled with giddy excitement at the possibilities of life? I have had that feeling the last two days and I love it! I have been so excited and feel renewed to know that God is planning something tremendous for my future and my family's future!
Things have been particularly stressful this past year and recently seem to be more challenging. I awoke yesterday to feel this burden suddenly lifted from my chest. I could BREATHE easier and smile more freely. I have no real reason to feel this way or think that great things are right around the corner. I just KNOW that God is giving me peace, as if to say, "My child, I am taking care of this and taking care of you. Just rest." I have yerned to feel this way for a while but have not actually been able to feel this. I have worried too much about the "what ifs" to each decision.
I realized the other night as I suddenly woke up and sat up in bed. It was as if God woke me up to make sure I was aware that I don't have to have all the answers to each detail to my path, my calling, my future. I explained to my husband that we don't need to know how each thing is going to be worked out, we don't even have to decide which direction to go. If we can prepare, do the leg work to make each path possible, then God can take what we have done and direct us down HIS calling for us.
In the past we have "felt" like we knew which way to go and persued only that direction. We weren't sure that is where God wanted us to be but we thought it might be (which really means, it was a direction we had personal gains in and pushed ourselves that way). Instead of putting forth effort to make connections or fill out applications to different jobs in different areas, etc, we would stray away from paths that we didn't want to travel, places we maybe didn't want to live in or jobs we didn't want to apply for becuase of the risk of it not being the right thing. I finally realized we need to apply for those jobs, make connections with people even if they are connected to a company we may not think we want to work with right now.
You never know what may be down the road. God does know though and that is all that matters. All he asks us to do is to try and do our best and let Him take control of our direction.
So while I may not want to move to Texas right now because it would mean leaving teaching and Monkey would have to leave her dance class, it may be the path God has for us to get our life back on track. Or, He may want Soapy to apply outside the railroad here, in Texas and back on the east coast where we both would like to be. Who knows! I am glad God does and I don't have to worry about the what ifs. I just have to put forth some work to make each path possible and then see which way God opens for us to go.

It is such a blessing to me that I have been able to give this over to Him. I am sure that doesn't mean I won't need help remembering this later but that's what a blog is for! I can come back and read this when I am needing the motivation to give up my control-freak first born identity and let God take control.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A New Day of Possibilities

Yesterday was very frustrating but a night of sleep (or atleast a night...don't know how much sleep Little Man let me have) gave me a fresh start. I am taking the kids and heading to Texas to fix our house. It is going to cost a good amount of money and that is something we don't really have but it has to be done. So I am putting it in God's hands, jumping forward and making a move so He can show us how He's going to use it to bless us.
I went and looked at carpet and wood flooring today, got some estimates and called a recommended contractor to see what he would charge to help do the labor. So we will see.
Braedon is doing better today. His staph infection has seemed to get better over night and the new spot hasn't gotten any worse. There's a blessing. He woke up at 5am this morning and after trying to get him to sleep (and failing) we snuggled in bed. I love those moments. It was quiet and he layed his head down on my chest and dozed in and out. I can't get enough of those moments!!
Please pray for my mother in law and a friend's dad. My MIL is having problems with her memory and losing her balance lately. I found out this morning about this and that this coming Thursday she is having a memory test and second MRI. It might be a God thing that we are going down there to visit this week and working on the house. My friend's dad had a massive heart attack yesterday. He is on machines in ICU. They have put in one stint and need to repair two more places but can't right now without putting him into another attack. My friend is in the Navy and doesn't know yet what has happened. THey are waiting to tell him until they get closer in so as not to distract him. Please pray that God keeps his dad strong until he can make it back in to be with him.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

God's Way..AKA--Now what?

So it is true that my ways are not His ways....have you ever had a moment when you wished he would just tell you what His way is so you can get on with it already???? Last week we thought we were moving back to Texas, just in time for our house that we own there to become vacant again. Soapy has needed to bid on a new position with the railroad and he decided it only made sense for us to go back to our house...where we have a place to live....where we can be a little better financially...where Soapy and my Dad can both be a little less stressed. APPARENTLY that is not God's plan. Three days before we thought we would be looking at packing up and moving, Soapy got word that he will not be able to move back there right now.

So......now what??? Now we have a vacant house that is in need of some major repairs due to tennant damages. Now Soapy is floating around from vacant position to another waiting for a permamnt position to come available somewhere. Now my parents are faced with bringing my grandmother back to live with them and hiring a nurse to come in and care for her (thus meaning they really need us out of the house so they can put her in the bottom floor).

Lord?! Can't you give me some answers??? Now what are we supposed to do?? I need to help financially but cannot put Little Man in daycare right now. We need a place to live but cannot afford rent, we can barely make the bills we have. Lord I need some sleep, I need some rest, I need some peace. We are trying to live by you and do Your will....we just feel so lost.

Lord?!! I am here, please guide me and use me! I need to feel Your presence!!