Happy Wednesday!

So the title isn't much but I am not running on creativity today. :)

Yesterday was a very long long day. We were at Children's Hospital in Denver by 9:30. We got right in to the doctor on the metabolics floor. Braedon has gained weight!! So that was wonderful news! We began the forever-long process of the family history, his history, his current state, our concerns....etc, etc, etc.

The doctor came in at 11 and observed him for an hour or more. He watched him run, talk, play with a ball, walk, retrieve things and how he reacted to being picked up and stretched. After the exam he rattled off about 6 codes to the other doctor of things to test for. One I know was a cholesterol test. He is concerned with whether Braedon's cholesterol is high enough. He said, most people think of it as a bad thing but it's even worse to not have enough of it.

The doctor was also concerned with Braedon's muscle strength. He runs like a 13 month old, not a 20month old. His hips extend too far (mine do too but I attributed that to dance and my joints have always hyperextended) and the muscle that runs under his armpit down his side does not flex as you pick him up. Rather, he goes somewhat limp and slides down through your arms. You have to have a tight grip on him when you pick him up. I always thought it was him being silly or throwing a fit but the doctor said he can feel that the muscles don't retract at all there. So they are doing some testing for that.

The other big thing they touched on briefly was autism. While his social skills are wonderful and he is totally outgoing, there are some behavioral patterns that concerned the doctor (and others before him) to watch him closely over the next 6 months to see how he develops. His speech is not as good as it should be, his GI problems can go hand in hand with autism, so can seizures. While he hasn't been ruled to have seizures yet, he has had episodes of staring off and not responding to sounds, objects, voices calling him. The doctor said if he is, it will most likely be on the lighter side.

Some of the other concerns are his mood swings and how quickly they change and explode over nothing. They want to monitor those as well to see if it is a personality trait (yay for me!) or something more.

I did ask before we left to draw labs, if there was a chance these health conditions could have been caused in utero. I have frequently worried and blamed myself for his health problems. I had a stomach infection when I got pregnant and before I knew I was carrying this beautiful baby boy I began the medication packs to clean it all up. The meds were not safe meds for pregnancy. Then you add on the blood thinner injections and the reflux medication and I have beat myself up over what I could have done to him before he was ever born. It is a horrible feeling. The doctor assured me that there was nothing I could have done to create these problems, they are genetic...whatever he is dealing with. I need not worry about how I damaged my child's health and future and well being before he even had a chance to breathe his first breath.

That gives me a sense of peace (a small one but I will take it). After four miscarriages, you begin to wonder what you hae done wrong and the next time vow to be perfect. You strive in every fasion to be perfect, eat perfectly, sleep/drink/exercise perfectly. Nothing is out of place and at the frist sign of something wrong you rush straight to the doctor because the thought of losing another precious child is more than you can bare. That was/is me. I stay awake...like tonight, wondering what "we" are missing in his diagnosis. I am praying, pleading with God to heal him and I believe He will and is doing it right now in front of me.

Please pray with me, my husband and my family that God would allow these tests to come back clean, that the IGE that was way high would come back normal and the doctors would scratch their heads and chalk him up to a medical mystery. Thank you thus far for all the prayers, advice and well wishes. We appreciate them so much!

A day of Rest

Today at church the pastor spoke about rest. How it is a gift that has been given to us from God and we should not feel bad using it because really, He commanded us to. I have thought about this a lot today. I am so quick to say, "I can't right now, I have too much to do. When I am done we can do ....." or "I don't have time to relax, there is too much to do. I can relax when I am done...which will probably be when I am dead".

God wants us to STOP doing our "TO-DO" list and rest. To meditate, take in His wonderous creation, enjoy the children and family He has given. Today, I did that. I needed to pack up our things but I didn't. I needed to work on a benefit and block part but I didn't. I needed to finish the cleaning and laundry that I didn't finish yesterday...but I didn't. It was a slow, relaxing day; and I loved it!

The pastor also said, "Our life is not determined by our work. Our self worth is not determined by our work. Our success is not determined by our work." Nothing is determined by where we work, how much we make, how far we have excelled on the corporate ladder. It doesn't matter. That is not what God created us for. When you face struggles in life, they do not define who you are or your success/failure in life. When you experience unemployment, take the time to see what God has planned for your life; what you are destined for. Those things are important. He will provide the job and the money and the right amount of success.

I loved this sermon. It was so inspiring and talked to my heart so deeply. I am going to try and make my resolution for the rest of this year to focus on what God has for me and be proud of my accomplishments that He has ordained. It is ok for me to put motherhood first and to enjoy it. It is ok for me to want to strive to be a Godly wife. This doesn't mean that I may win the mother of the year or stepford wife award each day but that is ok. As long as I strive for my best, cherish every moment as though it were my last and rest when He gives that time to me, then I am fulfilling His plan for my life at that moment.

This has spoken to my heart and I hope that some part of it has spoken to yours. May you have a blessed week and have moments to cherish.

A "Good Mom" Day

Today has been a very nice, pretty uneventful day. Braedon went to the bathroom twice in the toilet!!! I was so proud of him, his sister and I did a dance in the bathroom! Followed by a sticker for trying and a smarties for actually going!!

We took Caileigh to swim lessons and I watched her stick her face in the water and float on her stomach! Anyone who knows our daughter knows this is about as big as Hell freezing over. LOL...we are not fans of water on our face. Putting her in swim lessons was the best thing we have done all summer!

I had my second interview today for Ballet Emmanuel. I am nervous but I know I did my best so the rest is in God's hands. It is intimidating to think of going back to work after not working for someone else for nearly 6 years. Sure I teach dance but....this requires me to bring in bookings for tours...their means of making money and spreading their message. The best part is, it is part time and works from home for the most part. It can't get better than that!

I am reading an amazing book that I picked up from the bookstore at church last week. It is titled, " Am I Messing Up My Kids...and Other Questions Ever Mom Asks?" I am on chapter 4 and it is hard to put it down. It is set up as a few page chapter with a reflection section at the end of each chapter. It ties in scripture and helps you to work through some of the major mental struggles we as "super moms" have.
Here is the link on Amazon.com to Lysa's book. She is a mom of 5, her children are grown or at least some are in college and the baby is still younger. I have been struggling with our oldest and establishing a God inspired mother/daughter relationship without compromising my duties to instruct and discipline according to His teachings. I admit, I get these messed up all too often and have been frustrated as of late trying to fix them "on my own". This book is set to help you "...release your stress and become refilled and refreshed...". I recommend this book to every mom, whether you are cradling your first born or putting your sixth child through their senior year of high school. I think it is a valuable tool to any mom no matter their stage of motherhood.

Well, I am headed to bed. I am going to try and put some of the principles I am learning in Lysa's book to good use tomorrow and enjoy a blessed day with my two children, making memories we will treasure for a lifetime. May you all enjoy and treasure those you love and tell them often how much you love them! Goodnight! :)

Prayers For Hailey

A dear friend of mine, Robin , could use every prayer out there for her daughter, Hailey. This is Hailey:

I met Robin through MckMama's blog sometime at the end of last year. Hailey was in the hospital with her 6th round of Encephalopathy. Things were not good, Robin was scared and she reached out for prayer support. I contacted Robin through Facebook and we began talking. I began praying for her and Hailey and her husband Jeremy. They also have an adorable little boy, JJ.

Robin and I have been there over the past 7 months for each other. Talked, been mad, laughed at some of the silly things our husbands do sometimes. We have met when our kids have been in the hospital and made lunch dates in between. It has been great meeting and making a great friend.

Hailey is back in the hospital as of yesterday. This is her 8th episode and this particular round has been much worse. The doctors over the last several years have tried several tests, labs, drug mixes to help but nothing has worked. Currently, they are in the PICU and talk has been made today of sending Hailey to Boston Children's soon to run better, more detailed tests.

This particular round has been so hard on Robin and Jeremy. They are tired of watching their daughter battle through this. They are worn down physically, emotionally, mentally and especially financially. A few weeks ago Robin told me their insurance company had dropped Hailey and no longer would be covering any of her medical expenses. Her medications alone are nearly $4000 a month, not to mention the doctors visits, which are many and typically several a week and the hospital stays.

They are so tired of being separated and scared not knowing what is causing these episodes or how to correct them. There isn't a doctor yet that seems to have a good idea or willingness to come to a conclusion. They need help NOW!

Please be in fervent prayer for them. Please pray for the doctors, that they may come to an epiphany as to what is wrong. Please give the doctors wisdom and grace as they research and listen to Robin's concerns. Please pray for Hailey, that her little body would stay strong through these episodes. They are very violent and tough on her and many times can necessitate a crash cart being close by. Please pray for Robin and Jeremy as they try to stay strong in each other and parent two children who are not allowed to be together during these times. Please pray for their spirits, that God would life them up and comfort them; bring them peace. Please pray for their financial stresses as they are many and overwhelming. Please just pray.

We met this past Friday for lunch while I was at Children's Hospital with my son. Hailey was so happy and smiling through the entire lunch. It is hard to see these pictures (they were taken during lunch) and know that less than 24 hours later she was rushed to the ER. It breaks my heart to see this and hear the pain in Robin's words; any mother can relate.

The dance studio I work with has decided to organize a dance benefit for the Visbal family. We are still ironing out dates but it looks to be the end of August or first week in September. We would love all the local Colorado support that we can get. If you are not local and would like to give to the family, please send me an email at cmartin2773@gmail.com and I can give you more information and arrange a donation site if I see interest. We are trying to raise as much money as we can to give them, to help alleviate the heavy financial burden they have on their shoulders. Since Hailey's episodes are so unpredictable and can last several weeks, Robin is unable to work. She has created an Etsy store called Hailey Bug Creations to try and bring in any money she can from home. Jeremy works full time and bears the brunt of their burden. Please consider stopping by and browsing her store. I have purchased many things from her and they are always adorable and very reasonably priced. Like this headband Caileigh LOVES to wear:

I also am an Independent Mary Kay Consultant. I am committed to giving back part of my sales to Robin and Jeremy. If you would like to help that way, please visit my website, www.marykay.com/cmartin2773 and help yourself to wonderful products for your body and valuable tips and learning materials. I will give 20% of my sales to Robin and Jeremy as my own way of helping.

If giving is not something you can do right now, please pray, send her a message, leave her a comment that shows support. When your child is laying in a hospital bed, machines going off and doctors scratching their heads, it brings on the worst thoughts and extreme panic a mother could ever feel. I have been there and thank God that He is healing my son. I pray the same for Robin and Hailey.

Please check back often and I will continue to post updates on Hailey's condition as well as more information on the dance benefit as it comes available. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts in advance. This family deserves a break and miraculous healing. Their daughter is too precious to be suffering like this.

Thanks and God Bless you and your family.

Stream of Consciousness

I can't sleep. I have been trying for the better part of 4.5 hours. I have a pinched nerve or something in my back that is making it extremely difficult to breathe; this has been happening for about 3 days now. I layed in bed for a while and decided it wasn't getting me anywhere so I got up to work. :)

I have cleaned out unwanted pictures from my files. Played around with Lightroom; I downloaded a free trial and it is wonderful! I am going to be spoiled now....wonder if that could count as a Christmas in July gift??

I read up on some new products and press releases for Mary Kay and may I say, they have some really cool new products! I found an article on their Facebook fan page that talks about the new Oil-Free Eye Makeup Remover and how it is economical and sensitive for your skin!

Mary Kay is also committed to building a Habitat for Humanity house in Dallas, TX this July during the annual Mary Kay Seminar (this is an annual convention at the beginning of the Mary Kay year for all sales force). From what I have read, consultants from each division are helping to build this house while in Dallas for training. That is absolutely AMAZING!!!!! What a wonderful idea and way to give back to the community!

I have also read on Mary Kay's Charitable Foundation fan page that a group of Mary Kay sales force went to Washington, D.C. in June to stand before Congress and address the issue of domestic violence and petition for Family Violence and Prevention Services Act. I love how Mary Kay, as a company, is standing behind valuable causes for our country and is taking an active approach to stomping out things like domestic violence and cancer!

I am so pumped and excited!! If you would like to learn more, please visit their Facebook fan page or check out my website at www.marykay.com/cmartin2773 . There are links on my webpage to all sorts of wonderful information and exciting happenings for the company and the community it services!

Ok, I am not tired. Quite the opposite actually. But it is 4:16am and I have to go teach a whole room of preschool children how to dance like a ballerina in 5 hours....coffee yes?? Hope this post was as informational for you as it was for me. Have a great weekend and tell someone how much they mean to you!! God Bless!

Free and Clear!

That is what the GI doctors gave us as a diagnosis today. They were more than pleased with Braedon's development and weight gain (he went from the 33rd% to the 50th% in 6 weeks) and his tummy sounds were great!

They were overjoyed with how well he has done the last month since he has been clear of episodes throughout that time frame.

Our protocol now is to try taking out his morning dose of the medication helping his digestion and see how his body responds to that. She agrees the evening dose for now is still wise until we see how he does and then maybe go to every other night if he tolerates the first decrease well.

We went over lab results and everything looked good except his IgE levels. There were very off. This is an immunoglobulin that deals with allergies. It can be a result of a parasitic infection (he has more than been tested for these and everything has been clear) or allergy issues. We have an appointment scheduled with his allergist at National Jewish mid September (that was their earliest :( so we will have to be patient) to do more testing. The most popular I guess are feline, dust mites, mold and pollen. So I guess that is where we will start. These antibodies can be hyper-active if he has been in contact with his allergies. So we will see what they say and possibly try adding soy and/or dairy back into his diet.

I did ask what would be next if the weaning of meds doesn't work. She said they aren't sure. There are clinics around the country that test the digestive issues, they don't do these certain test. They are in Columbus, Ohio and Milwaukee, WI. She said even if they were to give a diagnosis, they would treat it the same way and there isn't a cure/fix to the problem. He would be this way for life...yay! =/ She said there is the possibility of using Botox to inject into the sphincter (sp??) between the stomach and small intestine to keep it open so food can be passed through. Please be in prayer about this. They have someone who can do this but it doesn't sound very fun or easy to me....

Heading to bed now, thankful beyond measure that the labs came back mostly normal and the doctors were pleased with how Braedon looked and acted while we were there. Praising God for one step at a time!

Prayers and Thanksgiving

It has been nearly a month since I have posted here. I feel horrible. It isn't that I have been away from my computer or haven't had time to log on to Blogger....I have had time, I did log on. I would get ready to post and was just without energy.

My lack of energy has not been due to Braedon being sick and thus not getting any sleep. Instead it has been because Braedon is doing so incredibly well that we have been going NON-STOP. He has not had one single episode since June 9th! We are giving him medications for digestion and respiratory functions but other than that, he is free and clear. He has decided, based on his new found freedom from being sick, to bless us with a wake up call every morning between 6-715 am....I am not a morning person so this is really not acceptable to me but what do ya do??? He goes fast forward, almost as if he is making up for all the lost time of being sick. His vocabulary has suddenly taken off; we hear nearly 2 or 3 new words every day and he doesn't forget them! He is happy, running, playing and developing his own personality. It is wonderful to see but also very exhausting!

We have spent some much needed family time and gone for day hikes or overnight camping trips in the mountains. We are in swim lessons with both of the kids and having a great summer together.

We are also buying a house! It has been made clear that for now, God's plan is not for us to pick up and move to the East coast. As much as this pains me and is truly not what I want....it doesn't really matter because it is not what HE wants. Through all of our trials and struggles with Braedon I have come to learn to accept God's plan and will much more than I used to. We are not going to be far from my parents and the kids will have their own room....who am I kidding, I get me own room too!! That is a big thing when you have shared your room with the laundry room, bathroom, and nursery for nearly 3 years. We are so blessed with the house God is providing us and can't wait to make a new start for our family.

This Thursday I am taking Braedon to Denver Childrens' to talk with his GI doctors on the next step. He has been doing well and thriving so that is a plus. All the tests they have done are coming back normal or negative which is also a huge plus (they have been testing some very scary, terminal things). It still remains to be seen if the meds are making him feel better or if God has miraculously healed Braedon. I half expect them to try weaning him off the meds to see what happens. I am nervous about this but know that God will protect my son.

Both Soapy and I have job interviews this week. His would bring him home permanently and mine would be a great Christian company that will allow me to work from home. Please be in prayer that if these are being sent from God that the doors will fling wide open.

I am also considering a mission trip to Alaska this October. I have received information about the trip today and am going to be in prayer and meditation to see if it is where God wants me to go. It will be delivering VBS (Vacation Bible School) to a community of missionaries' children. This retreat is once a year and is highly anticipated by all serving in Alaska. Because of this, there is a great amount of spiritual warfare going on that week. I am praying and deliberating on whether it is where God wants me to serve and if He thinks I am spiritually strong enough for this trip right now, in my walk with Him.

Happy Monday and have a wonderful, blessed week!