So Monkey's first week of school is almost over! She has really had a great time and I am amazed at what she has learned in only two days. It is so wonderful and exciting to see her growing up and making friends, it's also sad to know she's growing up and won't be Mommy's little girl as she once was. It's all part of life though!
So is our future endevors. This time next week we will know where we will be living and where Soapy will be working. Today was especially hard for me to come to grips with the fact that the outcome of his bidding process at work is going to take us back to Texas. We cleaned out the storage shed today. I know that doesn't sound exciting or traumatic but it was in a way. I had to go through things of Monkeys that she is no longer interested in or newborn and maternity clothes that I will never be able to use again. I got a call from my dance instructor about meeting to go over the next semester of dance at the studio. I teach for her and she really does not want me to leave.
I am realizing that I am two weeks away from a major change and I don't do well as major changes approach. My dad tonight gave me a hug and kiss and all I could think to do after that was sit down at his piano and just "touch" the keys. I didn't play them, no I just sat and ran my fingers across the smooth, worn keys that my dad, grandfather and great grandmother once played. It allowed me to be close to them all and I am truly afraid to leave my dad for fear of another heart attack hitting him. We had such plans of how to make up for lost time in our relationship. We tried and I have to say we are closer and got to do special things between the two of us that I will cherish but there just doesn't seem to be enough time. There are too many things that I wanted to do with him, that I wanted to do with my mom, that I wanted my husband and I to do with the kids here. I am not ready to leave. I am not ready for the increased stress that awaits us once we move.
I am just not ready for any of this, the move, leaving my family again, moving back to more stress and I most certainly am not ready for my daughter to turn 5 and be in school or my son to nearly approach his 9 month mark next week. I am just not ready, but I know God will help me get through it and be ready as long as I stay focused on Him. Please let me stay focused on You!