Have you ever had one of those days where you woke up and were just filled with giddy excitement at the possibilities of life? I have had that feeling the last two days and I love it! I have been so excited and feel renewed to know that God is planning something tremendous for my future and my family's future!
Things have been particularly stressful this past year and recently seem to be more challenging. I awoke yesterday to feel this burden suddenly lifted from my chest. I could BREATHE easier and smile more freely. I have no real reason to feel this way or think that great things are right around the corner. I just KNOW that God is giving me peace, as if to say, "My child, I am taking care of this and taking care of you. Just rest." I have yerned to feel this way for a while but have not actually been able to feel this. I have worried too much about the "what ifs" to each decision.
I realized the other night as I suddenly woke up and sat up in bed. It was as if God woke me up to make sure I was aware that I don't have to have all the answers to each detail to my path, my calling, my future. I explained to my husband that we don't need to know how each thing is going to be worked out, we don't even have to decide which direction to go. If we can prepare, do the leg work to make each path possible, then God can take what we have done and direct us down HIS calling for us.
In the past we have "felt" like we knew which way to go and persued only that direction. We weren't sure that is where God wanted us to be but we thought it might be (which really means, it was a direction we had personal gains in and pushed ourselves that way). Instead of putting forth effort to make connections or fill out applications to different jobs in different areas, etc, we would stray away from paths that we didn't want to travel, places we maybe didn't want to live in or jobs we didn't want to apply for becuase of the risk of it not being the right thing. I finally realized we need to apply for those jobs, make connections with people even if they are connected to a company we may not think we want to work with right now.
You never know what may be down the road. God does know though and that is all that matters. All he asks us to do is to try and do our best and let Him take control of our direction.
So while I may not want to move to Texas right now because it would mean leaving teaching and Monkey would have to leave her dance class, it may be the path God has for us to get our life back on track. Or, He may want Soapy to apply outside the railroad here, in Texas and back on the east coast where we both would like to be. Who knows! I am glad God does and I don't have to worry about the what ifs. I just have to put forth some work to make each path possible and then see which way God opens for us to go.
It is such a blessing to me that I have been able to give this over to Him. I am sure that doesn't mean I won't need help remembering this later but that's what a blog is for! I can come back and read this when I am needing the motivation to give up my control-freak first born identity and let God take control.