So, in light of all the drama in the tabloids about this couple and that couple, I decided to write this post. It is sad that our society has to focus on the "he said/ she said" instead of trying to help these couples overcome their struggles.
Why does our world see it as their duty to air everyone's dirty laundry? Why does a person's infidelities, moral hangups, police run-ins, alcoholic and drug setbacks make the news??!!!!??
You don't see them airing the blessings and positive happenings of our celebrities lives. Why not focus on the good parenting moments or the loving actions or embraces of a couple? What about the kindness extended to total strangers and charity donations that are given? Report about things that will lift others up! Encourage your readers to aspire to do more with their life and stop the gossipping that is tearing eachother down and stirring up insecurities in their own lives. This would be far more productive in so many ways.
I believe struggles that come to light should be dealt with in private. It is not my business to know what is happening in another's personal life. If they are struggling and would like help and come to me for that help, it is totally their choice.
Healing begins with you though. It requires you to feel remorse and desire to change. You have to own your mistakes to yourself, to the victim(s) involved, to God, and to a counselor as needed. Once you can own your mistakes you can start the road to recovery, healing, and moving forward.
I do believe in counseling, Christian counseling above all as I feel these counselors have the desire to help you restore your marriage at all costs if possible. Counseling allows both sides to air out their hurts, their fears, their individual faults in a neutral environment. You have a third party to hold you accountable for your actions. They help you to increase proper communication and teach you how to prevent the current situation from arising again.
Next comes forgiveness. Forgiveness needs to come from you to yourself. You can ask for forgiveness of the person you hurt but you have to be able to forgive yourself in order to put it in the past. You have to ask for forgiveness from your partner. The hard part is you have to realize they may not forgive you; or if they do, don't be confused with forgiveness and forgetfulness. Your spouse may forgive you but it takes time to forget. I know this from personal experiences. My husband, after 3 years of marriage, revealed some very hard secrets from the beginnings of our life together. He had no idea if I would take our daughter and leave him, though he said I had every right to do so and he mostly expected me to. Instead, I knew God had brought us together for a specific purpose. I don't believe in divorce and decided that even though I was hurting, I really did love him and wanted to try and work past our current pain.
We began counseling, starting communicating A LOT about our individual fears and things about ourselves we wanted to change. It changed and saved our marriage! It hasn't been easy and still has it's down times as forgiveness does not mean forgetfulness. I ask God for His grace to allow me to forget. Most of the memories are gone where as before I asked for His grace, the memories and thoughts, anxieties would surface every day.
God's grace is a powerful thing! It can help you to forgive AND forget. It saves you from your sins and can help you overcome your weaknesses and remove them from your personal makeup. Without God's grace we would be lost and without hope.
I hope maybe this helps someone else possibly struggling with these issues or maybe someone who is hooked on all the gossip and hype to evaluate their own actions and turn them into something good.