Overwhelmed

This is turning out to be a frustrating start to the New Year; I knew we should have gone out that night to ensure good luck for the coming year...instead of waking at 1130 only to look at eachother and seriously contemplating turning off the tv and just going to bed. But we didn't, we stayed up, watched the ball drop as we got ready for bed and then shortly thereafter hit the sack. Sad!

But today, I am frustrated and overwhelmed. My dad, as of Thursday, will most likely be out of a job. This presents a lot of stress as we are living with them at the moment. He asked me last night to start getting our things "in order" as we may all be moving out very shortly. We would move back to Texas and thus Soapy would commute from Fort Worth every other week for work to Colorado (or as it stands, Green River Utah--YUCK!). That would be the plan until he can find something new. It would also mean that his "6days off--which really is 5" would turn into 3 or 4 depending on the drive he had to make. Not exciting. at. all!

I am supposed to be starting three new dance classes and beginning a small business in dance themed birthday parties very soon. This would obviously not be a goot thing to start if we are leaving the area. I don't want to leave this way, so quickly, like in the next three weeks. It is too much work, too much stress and mostly too much trauma for Caileigh. She broke into tears on me last week when something was brought up about leaving my parents. I don't know what to do.

We had an offer on our house, it was humiliating and this afternoon I found out that our counter offer will not work. We lost the buyer; I don't think she was really interested anyways. This market sucks! As listed we are losing $5k that we have to bring to closing just to zero out the mortgage, that isn't touching what the value of the house is at. The buyer wanted to offer $12k below that! We just can't do it....it looks like we have to move back. I am going to HAVE to get a permanant job and as it looks I will be getting my teacher's certification. This is ok and I am looking forward to being out of debt. I just hate not being able to care for my own children. I hate not being there when they get out of school (not to mention I am more and more compelled to home school but for obvious reasons that would not work).

I am super SUPER excited for my friend's news about her new pregnancy! It is amazing and God is blessing her and her family in so many ways right now. She is living out the desires I have in my heart. Please go to her blog and see how she is following God's call to Kenya on a blogging missions trip with Compassion International. --The flip side to being overjoyed and totally excited is the pain I am feeling. I want to be doing this kind of missions work; it's what I feel called to be a part of but at the moment I don't know how for several reasons. I am also in pain over wanting another child; honestly I would love to have maybe two more children. The painful truth is without some MAJOR divine intervention to reverse my hubby's little..um...procedure, we will never be able to experience the joys of pregnancy again. This makes me sad. I so want atleast one more and was not ready to make this a permanant decision but he was ready. I am trying to come to terms with this.

So today I am experiencing a lot of overwhelming feelings, not very productive and really wanting to just go back to bed and begin a new day....praying tomorrow is better...or the next day, seeing as tomorrow I got to the dentist.